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The Breakup Thread But hopefully find support

#1 User is offline   delial 

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 05:21 PM

I decided to make this topic after all...

First of all, I think more people, not just myself, could benefit from expressing heartbreak in the Acen community forums. The idea is not just any ol' breakup, but relationships that end at Acen or near its date. This could also mean friendships or other severed relationships, not just romantic ones.

Second, I'm really only doing this because...Acen's one of the best things that's happened to me and I...simply would like some support and advice because, as I'm about to explain, it's been...painful on a lot of levels. So thanks for reading c: I go to Acen every year and it's been my cubbyhole, where I can be at my maximum level of social chattiness and at ease. This doesn't go so well at any ol' social place...although my (sigh) ex didn't really agree.

Here's what I thought of myself before: real shy, not a lot of self-esteem (but a good level of self-respect), with not a lot of friends and those that I did have I hardly saw, very distrusting or weary of most people, very impatient, very irritated at how (sigh) I just wanted all the privileges other kids had. Envy at the kids with cars, phones, and most importantly, the ability to be out late. Or to be out at all. And it's hard to explain in a few phrases but I was heavily sheltered up until college. And even at 21 I was still struggling to be able to hang with my friends. I became to see myself as someone hopelessly socially crippled, inept at being "cool" and I also have this "give up easy" outlook on things.

I got into a relationship last year with a guy I met at acen. Chatty, loud, has to be the center of everyone's attention. Lives in a suburb, drives a minivan, lives with a family of: a mom, a great stepdad, 2 sibs and has 2 other stepsibs. Is confident, strong, persistent, seemingly un-flawed and unafraid of everything (except heights).

Does it sound like I'm a little envious?

Basically, (before I bore you to death), for the almost a year we were together I struggled with selfish behavior, irrational jealousy, and low self-esteem. I couldn't tell you why I had to sulk or pout as often as I did, simply because he had to take up the stage everywhere he went or why I could not appreciate being introduced to his friends, nor jump readily at the invitation of making them my own. Especially when I think they're perfectly nice people. But all of this bothered him and he got fed up with it. He got especially mad when he finally saw I could be what he had always wanted me to be around his friends, at acen. And so after my "sob story", he felt all of that was a lie. So I became a liar.

If you're wondering why it was possible to put up with that for almost a year it's because he was amazing like that. Making a lot of seemingly inconsequential sacrifices and bigger ones too. I'm still flattered that he got to feel so much for me. And I tried to be giving back and he would say I was a good gf but clearly....I got spoiled and forgot to try harder. harder. harder. We got along well, everything else about our relationship was perfect.

Sigh. How do I deal with being such a shtty person? Yeah, change is hard and it takes time and the things learned should be stronger than the pain. But I struggle trusting *myself* to really improve myself *for myself*. I miss him, can't stand that I hurt him again and again, and hate, hate how immature it was of me to oh, like some goddmn child, not get it together unless "the good thing" gets taken away and it's too late.

Anyway, thanks for your time.

This post has been edited by delial: 01 May 2012 - 07:47 PM

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#2 User is offline   Sarahlicious 

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 05:42 PM

Well, from what I gather you sound (fairly) young and haven't had much experience in the love department. With that being said you have a lot to learn about not just being in a relationship but you have a lot to learn about yourself. We are all immature and do immature things in our first (couple) serious relationships. The most important thing you can do is really learn from it and move on. You're not a s***ty person, so please don't think that about yourself. As for the material possessions in life that you long for, you're going to have to work for them. Don't envy those who have things handed to them on a silver platter - YOU are better than that and will fight your way to what you want! If you want something that you need to take control of your life and get it.

Also, don't change yourself for another person. Be comfortable with who you are and own it. Once you take the time to accept yourself other people will as well. As far as the jealously thing that is something you will need to work on. Unless your partner gives you reason to mistrust them (cheating,sneaking around,etc) jealously is a poisonous seed that grows and spreads like a cancer. Trust is what builds that solid foundation for a lasting relationship.

Learn to speak your mind as well. Nothing is more irritating then the whole "what's wrong","Nothing. >:(" routine. If something is on your mind, speak up. But the key is learning to pick your battles. Not everything deserves a 18 hour drawn out battle to the death with lots of crying and screaming. (trust me, I've done the leg work on that one!)

Lastly, this perfect guy really doesn't sound so perfect at all considering he was quick to jump on you when you finally opened up to his friends. He should have been happy you made an effort to go outside of your comfort zone. For that alone, you deserve better, and you WILL find better. :) Just keep your chin up out of the dirt and dust your shoulders off. If he's willing to throw it all away over something like that then he's not the one for you. :thumbup:
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#3 User is offline   HiroEcks 

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 05:50 PM

I dated a girl similar in some ways to how you sound like. She was always kind of getting down on herself and if things were going well she would always seem to find some way to justify not allowing herself to be happy. There were even times when she would ask things like "what's there to love about me?" It was really frustrating to see and I tried for a long time but eventually things sorta just got complicated and we went our separate ways. She's still in my life but we just weren't good for each other in that way ultimately.

I guess it's hard to say what to do in your case. I mean, it's easy to be like "you are a great person so you should just be okay with that!" but I know it's not. I'm sure you are a great person and everything but it doesn't mean much unless you start to believe it yourself. I think back in my highschool days I was pretty much like that. I was often down on myself with such a grim outlook things. I really don't know what changed it for me but don't get me wrong I still have my moments mind you.

If anything turn to family and friends and people who will support you no matter what! All the good vibes might even eventually rub off. Even if you are being a butthead. :P
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#4 User is offline   magishine 

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 06:41 PM

If there is one thing I can say it's this. You must be happy with yourself before you can make someone else happy. The way it sounds, you're not happy with the way you are and (to put it bluntly) that's why it didn't work out. Don't let this dissuade you from trying again though. What you need to realize is what it'll take to make you happy with yourself. If that's changing yourself, then do it. If it's accepting yourself for who you are. Then you do that. I can't tell you which is the right path or even how to do it. Being around friends and family and getting support helps. Above all don't feel down on yourself for what happened. You broke up. Don't let that control you and don't let it make you feel like you didn't deserve to be happy. EVERYONE deserves to be happy. It just takes time and patients. You'll see. If anything, us people of the forums are here for you. Anytime you need advice or just want to laugh at our insanity. You never fight a battle alone
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#5 User is offline   delial 

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 07:27 PM

it's such a challenge to present things accurately... :/

Him and I had "broken up" 3 months in and when he gave me a second chance it was because he'd seen some more confidence in me. But now I realize it didn't really cover a lot of other insecurities and self-esteem issues, so a lot of those problems caused by these things continued. Plus I continued to not really "open up" to his friends until "it was too late". His main beef was that "it's been a year" and there wasn't an excuse to how sh**** I kept behaving, esp when it came to his desire to talk to absolutely everyone and I made him feel like s* for doing so. The horrible part was sitting there knowing everything he said was true and valid and right. My reason agreed and I had f*ed up real bad. Trust was broken. That's the worst part. It sounded like I had lied about myself and acted self-righteously when, this acen, I had shown that a) I had no problem talking to people, and b ) yet required alcohol to become as chatty with 2 of his friends we hung out with. Sigh.

I want to think that if I work on these things about myself I'll do it for myself, but I can't help wanting to also get him back. Sometimes I think I can hope so, other times I break down and think it's impossible.

Main priorities for me right now are school (I start this new uni this summer) and making friends. Sigh. I knew not really working harder to gain a more round social life was going to really screw things up. I complained about not having many friends while not really making the effort necessary. But now that I "have" to, (really...frustrating that this is what it took), I def will. I also want to see a counselor once I start school among other things.

I want this to not hurt as badly as it does. I miss him so much.

This post has been edited by delial: 01 May 2012 - 07:41 PM

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#6 User is offline   magishine 

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 07:55 PM

Be strong. It may hurt like hell now but it won't with time. Unfortunately this is one of those things that takes time to heal but you'll get there. Just never forget that you deserve to be happy and you'll get there before you know it
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#7 User is offline   JujuFox 

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 07:57 PM

It actually sounds like he was the reason why the relationship didn't work.

You can't change people, and no one should get into a relationship thinking that they can change the person they are with. Over time I have become less shy, but that is something I had to struggle to change about myself. You can change, but you can't force change upon anyone else. I've seen too many relationships where the girl or guy tried to change the person they were with(including myself), but it always ended in a breakup.

The person that you are with should accept you for who you are, and not go into the relationship thinking they can mold you into the person they want you to be.

I try to get my husband near water, but it is almost impossible. After white water rafting, and trips to the water park I've come to accept that he will never like water and can't enjoy it the way I do. Also rollercoasters... he refuses, and it saddens me, but I know that is something that won't change. I just have to find a friend to go with me to Six Flags and leave my man at home! ;P
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#8 User is offline   XenoBlade 

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 08:45 PM

ahhh, the good ol change issue. First and foremost, you are who you are, however what I think some people should say (instead of oh don't change yourself) is if you are really shy and introverted. Why? Things like this will tend to happen and beat you up, and leave you with the thoughts of you aren't good enough or you'll never find someone awesome. And then you'll be too nervous to try to talk with people. Now I'm not saying force yourself or anything, but try to get out of your security bubble slowly and with that, confidence and happiness with self will grow. I speak from experience. I'm STILL introverted, and I shrug off interaction at times, but slowly I have worked past the point I was at were I was pretty socially awkward to be how I am with most people instead of around people I just know. I'm still working on the showing emotions bit. That'll take work haha. But don't let someone change you, you need to change you, and that is the only person who should or can.

Also don't put this guy on a pedastal. This is the same issue a lot of guys do to females. No one person is too great. We are all human, therefore we are all flawed. And yet we are all beautiful too. Basically everyone has SOMETHING to make them...human. That is probably leading to your feelings of wanting him back no matter what. Treat yourself to something awesome that you don't want to do normally. Get your mind of the subject pretty much with something enjoyable. Heartbreak is just one of those things that will always hurt. :( I haven't experienced one that didn't really suck, but I have done things to try to forget about it.

Finally tho (I don't want to beat a dead horse, other people have brought up the other issues) Don't beat yourself up too much. Seriously, you are who you are, and if one cannot handle that, then it is better to not try to squeeze a square into a circle. Be happy with yourself, and things will come into place.
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#9 User is offline   delial 

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 09:05 PM

I don't think he was asking for impossibilities and it was never about changing something I like or don't like. I was acting selfishly and inconsiderate of his feelings.

I am quite mad at him over minor details, esp somethings he yelled at me about, but when you're hurt and angry you say a lot you don't mean. But overall I...he's wrong thinking I want to just find some other dude (he accused me of using acen to "hook up" with dudes despite that I've only ever been with 3 ppl and he's the 3rd but only one I met *at* acen).

Sigh. He...threw into the bags (my things, when I left his place) the cards I'd made for him, the 2011 acen badge he got....among other stuff. He didn't rip them up in my face and threw them in the trash.

Can't wait for school to start :(

Thanks to all of you :3 I don't have a lot of friends and most of them are real busy people and I hate to keep on txting about this to them so this alternative really helps me.
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#10 User is offline   delial 

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 09:05 PM

whoa o.O double post....sorry!

This post has been edited by delial: 01 May 2012 - 09:06 PM

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#11 User is offline   Wingy Baby 

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 09:34 PM

Yeah. ACen + Staffing + Wingy Relationships = big ol' fight/break up that should have happened weeks ago.

Glad to see that formula is still true. :\

Anyway.

We all learn something about ourselves when interacting with other people and hopefully, you have taken something away from this and have decided either "this behavior needs to change and this is how I'm going to do it" or "I need someone who can handle my baggage better or just be by myself."

Not insinuating anything, that's just the usual choices.

Being hard on yourself is so easy but being honest is really hard. It's easy to see all the negatives about yourself and push aside the good. When I read how things went down, I really get the feeling you're disregarding the good times and blaming yourself overmuch. It takes two to tango. Maybe the blame won't be 50/50, but you can't be the total problem here. Don't be so hard on yourself!
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#12 User is offline   Kii 

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 09:38 PM

This is going to be a pretty popular topic after all the con drama that tends to go on at ACen.

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#13 User is offline   delial 

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 10:24 PM

Thinking about the good times is what makes it hurt a lot :(

I agree with what you said though, Wingy Baby, about the choices.
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#14 User is offline   KungPowKirby 

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 11:26 PM

View PostWingy Baby, on 01 May 2012 - 09:34 PM, said:

Yeah. ACen + Staffing + Wingy Relationships = big ol' fight/break up that should have happened weeks ago.

Glad to see that formula is still true. :\

Anyway.

We all learn something about ourselves when interacting with other people and hopefully, you have taken something away from this and have decided either "this behavior needs to change and this is how I'm going to do it" or "I need someone who can handle my baggage better or just be by myself."

Not insinuating anything, that's just the usual choices.

Being hard on yourself is so easy but being honest is really hard. It's easy to see all the negatives about yourself and push aside the good. When I read how things went down, I really get the feeling you're disregarding the good times and blaming yourself overmuch. It takes two to tango. Maybe the blame won't be 50/50, but you can't be the total problem here. Don't be so hard on yourself!


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#15 User is offline   YasuiGetups 

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 11:39 PM

I hear ya, honey- my first "crush" was a mirror image of what you're going through, and I spent a long time beating myself up over the mistakes I made and the ones I thought I had. I'm just gonna vomit up advice and you can pick the good stuff out if you so desire:

I know that envious feel, bro... but those who don't have to work for things never truly appreciate them. Getting hurt is just a side-affect of living. When it's all over in 60 or 70 years, trust me- you'll be glad you lived, in spite of the pain and the snobs and jerks, and you'll wish you could do more of it.

I can already tell that you have a good little heart and, hopefully, a bit more emotional maturity than I did. I think everyone's first couple of relationships are full of little mistakes and things simply because it's a new art form (exactly like Sarah said up there). It's hard to see sweet girls like you to get hurt like that, but somebody who would treat you the way he did isn't strong enough himself to support someone else- maybe one day he will be, but waiting around might make you miss out on someone truly wonderful. Moving on is not a crime; it's a measure of you growing up, too.

You can't be blamed for being capricious or "difficult", what with everything that goes on in life- we all are because life is life, and as long as we learn from what you go through, there's no shame to be had. Don't beat up on yourself- just take what you need, say what you must, and keep trucking. It is possible, I promise- and it's your right as a person to do so!

There's a song that says "all princes start as frogs, and all gentlemen as dogs". We all start out new and confused, even the girls. Eventually, "some frogs will still be frogs/and some dogs will still be dogs/ and some boys will become men".

My case was complicated by mental disorders and distance, so it gets kinda weird... but what I want you to get is that there's a borderline of what you can and can't take, and once this boy started accusing you of crap and that affection started turning to anger, it was over. Holding on speaks well of your loyalty- but next time you know when to get out.
Like "Carl", I think this boy cared about you but couldn't understand how to help you with the delicate issues of becoming yourself and got frustrated; he didn't have the endurance required for a long-term relationship. It's not your fault- girls are complicated creatures (AND SO ARE GUYS). Some guys give up when the going gets rough- but we ladies are ever so worth it!

I feel like the good things I did got drowned by the bad, but the truth is in your own comments: you remember the good times you two had, and I'm sure that when Carl thinks about me, he remembers those first, too- and the fact that you started out with good intentions and affection insures that this all wasn't for naught.

I'm not sorry I loved my guy, and you shouldn't be, either. Just prioritize; go to school and enjoy yourself! The right man will come along, who can accept that we're not static entities- and then you'll be done with dogs, frogs, and boys forever.

As for missing him: remember that good times are still waiting. Treasure that feeling you had, and know that it's not gone forever.
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#16 User is offline   Wingy Baby 

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 12:01 AM

View PostKungPowKirby, on 01 May 2012 - 11:26 PM, said:

As my roomie quink and I said to eachother Thursday night, There is plenty of Tuna in the world, don't worry about the tadpoles ;)



And there's plenty of cats to adopt. ;]
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#17 User is offline   KungPowKirby 

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 12:09 AM

View PostWingy Baby, on 02 May 2012 - 12:01 AM, said:

And there's plenty of cats to adopt. ;]

Haha true!
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#18 User is offline   Shinamura 

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 07:12 AM

Relationships fail because the 2 people aren't right for each other in the first place. At first in a relationship we try to find things we love about the other and end up finding 90% of them we hate or don't agree with.
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#19 User is offline   YoungBirdcall 

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 04:15 PM

Here's the bottom line: only you can make yourself happy. Other people have already said as much on this thread, but I think that it bears repeating.

Most people seem to think that being "happy" is purely an emotional experience. "I went to a movie and enjoyed it. Now I'm walking out of the theater and I feel happy." Or perhaps: "I get to see a good friend today, someone whom I have not spent time with in many months. I feel happy about this." You get the idea.

But happiness is so much more that that. Sure, "happiness" is an emotion, but more importantly, it is a mindset. "What am I going to do today?" If the answer doesn't make you happy, then change it. "How do I feel today?" If the answer doesn't make you happy, change it. "But I can't change how I feel!" Yes, yes you can. I know from experience. I think of myself as a skeptic and a cynic, but I am generally a very happy person. I was not born this way. I was not of this mindset in my youth. I did not understand why some people seemed so happy, yet I was consumed with self-doubt, shyness and hesitancy. At many points in my young life, "happiness" seemed as far away from me as the moon.

You have to work for happiness. If any person says that they wake up every day of their life without a worry, without a care, happy as a clam, and they go to sleep that way too, only to wake up the next day feeling exactly the same, then they are a charlatan and a liar. The reality is that being happy is a decision. Being happy is a goal one places before oneself. I didn't just magically transform into the happy-go-lucky guy that I am today. It took willpower and effort. Most days, I felt like I had accomplished nothing, that I was no closer to my goal of happiness and self-esteem than I had been the day before. That's natural. That's okay. It takes time. But all good things are worth waiting for, yes? One day I woke up, looked at myself in the mirror (both literally and figuratively) and didn't recognize the person that stared back at me. I felt better about myself, and you can too. Don't beat yourself up over one failed relationship. Don't agonize over mistakes that you made (or think that you made) in said relationship. Don't worry. You're young. You won't feel this way forever. How you feel right now is not who you are.

If you really want to change for the better, focus on self-improvement. Maybe it's getting into better shape. Maybe it's learning a new skill or trade (like taking a cooking class or ballroom dancing lessons). Maybe it's just breaking out of your shell. But if breaking free from your self-imposed isolation is the goal, self-improvement can be the means to help you achieve this goal. Going to the gym or learning a new skill will force you to interact with people that you don't know personally, and while this will be awkward at first (trust me, I know), it pays off over time. One day you'll look back on this period of your life, and you'll be thankful that it happened. Trust me. Believe in yourself, because no one else will, generally-speaking. It's up to you, but you can do it.
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#20 User is offline   Wingy Baby 

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 04:20 PM

View PostYoungBirdcall, on 02 May 2012 - 04:15 PM, said:

Here's the bottom line: only you can make yourself happy. Other people have already said as much on this thread, but I think that it bears repeating.

Most people seem to think that being "happy" is purely an emotional experience. "I went to a movie and enjoyed it. Now I'm walking out of the theater and I feel happy." Or perhaps: "I get to see a good friend today, someone whom I have not spent time with in many months. I feel happy about this." You get the idea.

But happiness is so much more that that. Sure, "happiness" is an emotion, but more importantly, it is a mindset. "What am I going to do today?" If the answer doesn't make you happy, then change it. "How do I feel today?" If the answer doesn't make you happy, change it. "But I can't change how I feel!" Yes, yes you can. I know from experience. I think of myself as a skeptic and a cynic, but I am generally a very happy person. I was not born this way. I was not of this mindset in my youth. I did not understand why some people seemed so happy, yet I was consumed with self-doubt, shyness and hesitancy. At many points in my young life, "happiness" seemed as far away from me as the moon.

You have to work for happiness. If any person says that they wake up every day of their life without a worry, without a care, happy as a clam, and they go to sleep that way too, only to wake up the next day feeling exactly the same, then they are a charlatan and a liar. The reality is that being happy is a decision. Being happy is a goal one places before oneself. I didn't just magically transform into the happy-go-lucky guy that I am today. It took willpower and effort. Most days, I felt like I had accomplished nothing, that I was no closer to my goal of happiness and self-esteem than I had been the day before. That's natural. That's okay. It takes time. But all good things are worth waiting for, yes? One day I woke up, looked at myself in the mirror (both literally and figuratively) and didn't recognize the person that stared back at me. I felt better about myself, and you can too. Don't beat yourself up over one failed relationship. Don't agonize over mistakes that you made (or think that you made) in said relationship. Don't worry. You're young. You won't feel this way forever. How you feel right now is not who you are.

If you really want to change for the better, focus on self-improvement. Maybe it's getting into better shape. Maybe it's learning a new skill or trade (like taking a cooking class or ballroom dancing lessons). Maybe it's just breaking out of your shell. But if breaking free from your self-imposed isolation is the goal, self-improvement can be the means to help you achieve this goal. Going to the gym or learning a new skill will force you to interact with people that you don't know personally, and while this will be awkward at first (trust me, I know), it pays off over time. One day you'll look back on this period of your life, and you'll be thankful that it happened. Trust me. Believe in yourself, because no one else will, generally-speaking. It's up to you, but you can do it.


In your famous words good sir:


THIS.

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#21 User is offline   delial 

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 05:27 PM

After a lot of break downs, and despite waking up in the morning with chest pain and crying, I'm overall better.

More than mad at myself, I'm disappointed.

I did a lot more thinking today about happiness, and like YoungBirdcall said, self-improvement is a part of making yourself grow and achieve a little more of that happy mentality.

Being afraid a lot is tiring and I've come to see there's no good enough reason to keep feeling so small and fragile. I had in the past, because it became a habit. (Like I said, I grew up sheltered in ways that even my ex went "wtf").

Even today as I found out something, I got such a terrible feeling...that made me realize just how unfair I was in expecting him (albeit "subconsciously") to be what made me happy. In my defense, being with him became so addicting because it was so liberating and all the fun things we did, such positive new experiences, had me on a natural high. So I neglected truly taking care to grow in other ways that didn't involve him.

Can't express enough gratitude to everyone that's taken some time to give advice and share their own experiences. :3
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#22 User is offline   magishine 

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 05:37 PM

There you go. Well said. Take the lessons from this and move forward. Don't stop trying to better yourself

This post has been edited by magishine: 02 May 2012 - 05:37 PM

uchu kitaaaaaa!!!!

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 06:42 PM

View PostWingy Baby, on 02 May 2012 - 12:01 AM, said:

And there's plenty of cats to adopt. ;]


That's what I tell myself every time....

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 07:12 PM

I feel your pain on the sheltered part. Ive suffered through the same. Its the leading cause of my apathy
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Posted 02 May 2012 - 07:32 PM

View PostYoungBirdcall, on 02 May 2012 - 04:15 PM, said:

Here's the bottom line: only you can make yourself happy. Other people have already said as much on this thread, but I think that it bears repeating.

Most people seem to think that being "happy" is purely an emotional experience. "I went to a movie and enjoyed it. Now I'm walking out of the theater and I feel happy." Or perhaps: "I get to see a good friend today, someone whom I have not spent time with in many months. I feel happy about this." You get the idea.

But happiness is so much more that that. Sure, "happiness" is an emotion, but more importantly, it is a mindset. "What am I going to do today?" If the answer doesn't make you happy, then change it. "How do I feel today?" If the answer doesn't make you happy, change it. "But I can't change how I feel!" Yes, yes you can. I know from experience. I think of myself as a skeptic and a cynic, but I am generally a very happy person. I was not born this way. I was not of this mindset in my youth. I did not understand why some people seemed so happy, yet I was consumed with self-doubt, shyness and hesitancy. At many points in my young life, "happiness" seemed as far away from me as the moon.

You have to work for happiness. If any person says that they wake up every day of their life without a worry, without a care, happy as a clam, and they go to sleep that way too, only to wake up the next day feeling exactly the same, then they are a charlatan and a liar. The reality is that being happy is a decision. Being happy is a goal one places before oneself. I didn't just magically transform into the happy-go-lucky guy that I am today. It took willpower and effort. Most days, I felt like I had accomplished nothing, that I was no closer to my goal of happiness and self-esteem than I had been the day before. That's natural. That's okay. It takes time. But all good things are worth waiting for, yes? One day I woke up, looked at myself in the mirror (both literally and figuratively) and didn't recognize the person that stared back at me. I felt better about myself, and you can too. Don't beat yourself up over one failed relationship. Don't agonize over mistakes that you made (or think that you made) in said relationship. Don't worry. You're young. You won't feel this way forever. How you feel right now is not who you are.

If you really want to change for the better, focus on self-improvement. Maybe it's getting into better shape. Maybe it's learning a new skill or trade (like taking a cooking class or ballroom dancing lessons). Maybe it's just breaking out of your shell. But if breaking free from your self-imposed isolation is the goal, self-improvement can be the means to help you achieve this goal. Going to the gym or learning a new skill will force you to interact with people that you don't know personally, and while this will be awkward at first (trust me, I know), it pays off over time. One day you'll look back on this period of your life, and you'll be thankful that it happened. Trust me. Believe in yourself, because no one else will, generally-speaking. It's up to you, but you can do it.


So true!
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#26 User is offline   delial 

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Posted 23 May 2012 - 01:25 AM

i'm only bumping this thread just cuz tonight happened to be the night everything, even emails and random txts, has to stop. and I know I'll prolly sound weird or something but (god I'm not drunk enough still...) but I really appreciate the replies because for the first week it was so hard, I had to keep rereading them and also talk to my few friends extensively about it and I'm lucky that I'm going to be ok because sadly I've had to deal with suicide...past stuff...yea no details but yea it was terrible (I mean, someone else. Doing that. Over me basically.)

I don't want to make the same mistakes and I'm actually "glad" to not be with him but it still hurts, it was a year and theres so much stuff fresh on my mind but slowly but surely right?

I want to mature, and not feel so shitty about myself.

I wish acen was like once a month rather than once a year. I'm not the kind of person that enjoys bars or whatever. Acen is where I love to go talk to random people and have a good time.

We arent on bad terms...but he really needs me to stop contacting him. He's so sweet. I mean, he couldn't let himself say anything sappy because he really really cares about me and knows that we have to go our separate ways but he did insinuate that he doesn't want to think about me being with anyone else. I really wanted to hold on still, like "one day in the future, months from now!!"....but that's not right either. I'm so attached to him guys. Like, an addiction. It's unhealthy obviously. Kept me from *truly* caring about him yknow?

damn shame. He's really hot you guys! lol...(more jameson..btw I'm not a fan of drinking AT ALL honest, but I just happen to have this bottle and I'm tired of hurting so much)

anyway, I do feel so much better, I am back to being with my few friends and I was so brutally honest with myself and them and I'm so lucky that theyre awesome people. I do feel more like myself when I'm with them.

I kinda wish I hadn't met him at acen cuz acen is part of me...has been part of me for much longer so I will still go though can't give up acen! never!

thanks a lot. like I told his friend whose number I had and I like this guy (hes a nice guy, not like that though), everyone that listened to me was one more person that helped me keep my life and I can't express enough gratitude. I'm a very weak and immature person but I know I can be better. I know I'm cool on some level...lol.

k I got work tomorrow. man it's so late. but I once worked a job where I got up at 5am and got only 3-4 hrs of sleep no joke and that job was a lot more demanding than this one (so I had to quit...pfff...but that's a diff story. Gotta be confident in what you do!)

Nite everyone.
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Posted 23 May 2012 - 08:31 AM

So with this new guy, don't make him the rebound. That ain't cool. In your condition, you shouldn't be considering anyone yet, if you are still struggling to get off the last dude. Take some time off. One doesn't become stronger relationship hopping. Gotta build yourself up, feel emotionally ready, and then see about it.
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Posted 23 May 2012 - 10:54 AM

View PostXenoBlade, on 23 May 2012 - 08:31 AM, said:

So with this new guy, don't make him the rebound. That ain't cool. In your condition, you shouldn't be considering anyone yet, if you are still struggling to get off the last dude. Take some time off. One doesn't become stronger relationship hopping. Gotta build yourself up, feel emotionally ready, and then see about it.


What Xeno said and don't rely on on the bottle for comfort. It's tempting but you'll pay for it in the long run once you attach it to feeling better.
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Posted 23 May 2012 - 02:27 PM

wow this is crazy because i'm kinda going through the same thing right now.

this guy i've been dating he's just perfect and is the center of attention no matter where we go or who we're with, hell we cant even walk down the street for five minutes without someone yelling his name to stop and talk to him for what seems like FOREVER -_- his friends are awesome and we all have alot in common, but it'd be nice to just spend time with my boyfriend every once in a while.

I try not to tell him too often that we hardly get any alone time because i know he loves being with his friends, but being the spotlight takes his attention away from me alot...does that sound selfish?

I find it hard to trust people (not having that many close friends) and he has a lot of girl friends, so i've been struggling alot with telling myself to just trust him because all in all he is a good guy, i'm just too full of myself

This post has been edited by TheNerdBrigade: 23 May 2012 - 02:30 PM

TheNerdBrigade

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Posted 23 May 2012 - 02:56 PM

View PostKirbyFanOne, on 23 May 2012 - 10:54 AM, said:

What Xeno said and don't rely on on the bottle for comfort. It's tempting but you'll pay for it in the long run once you attach it to feeling better.


I wanted to add the whole drinking thing, but thought I'd leave it alone. But yeah, just like Kirby said, don't use it too much. For once, you might get to the point where you HAVE to drink just to not think about the situation. It's better to do it naturally so you won't grow to depend too much on booze.

btw Nerdbrigade, it in honesty isn't too much to ask. It is all about compromise. He needs to chill out a bit, and spend some alone time with you. (In turn you'll let him do what he does...which it seems you have and stuff.)

This post has been edited by XenoBlade: 23 May 2012 - 03:00 PM

ACen 2013 Cosplays
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Zero Escape 2: Virtue's Last Reward-Sigma
3rd cosplay:Either Zoro(One Piece),Sazh(Final Fantasy XIII), or Gintoki(Gintama).
"Sometimes I do suspect, I'm an actor in a well scripted live divine comedy..."-Shing02

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