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How to deal with my shyness...

#1 User is offline   Roselia55 

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 06:38 PM

I guess I'm the type of person that's really shy... If I meet someone new, the conversation, well... Quickly dies.
I'm to shy to say stuff that's on my mind and if I'm with a group of people, I'm the one who doesn't really talk.
It just seems like I can't fit into the conversation. I'm to shy actually OPEN MY MOUTH AND SAY SOMETHING.
And once I get the courage to do so the subject either gets changed, or I say what I wanted to say to quietly and no one hears me. I get the feeling that I'm being totally ignored and all I'm doing is walking in a group of people who I can't even start a conversation with. And with that being said, I feel really useless.

I guess you can say I'm pessimistic... If I do or say something and then that person reacts... Idk how, I get the feeling that that person either hates me, is annoyed by me, or doesn't want to talk to someone like me. Like a sorta unfriendly vibe that person is giving off or that I did/said something wrong and that person is mad at me.

I vowed to myself after KollisionCon, where I practically just wandered around by myself not really talking to anyone, That I'd be more open to people and not be afraid to tell what's on my mind. Today at Anime Club, people where talking
weather we should have the next meeting before or after ACen. I suggested before because I thought it would be fun to maybe make a group of people who's going there. One of the girls said: "Oh, but we already have a group." Which was pretty much most of the members. I, who's been to Anime Club only 3 times...
Idk... I guess I felt left out? ; A;
And I was to shy to ask if I could be apart of their group... Since I'm going to be alone Friday, but thank God, I'll have my BFF with me Saturday and Sunday. So now i'm hoping that we'll have the next Anime Club BEFORE Acen instead of AFTER Acen so I can build up my courage to ask if I can hang out with them Friday... The thing is... I don't really know them that well, and I have a feeling that what if the same thing occurs when I'm totally left out of the conversation and can't speak up because I just don't seem to fit? And what if they say no? So yeah...

This is the first time I've actually told someone (whoever is reading this) how I truly feel. ; A;
So any tips would be nice... Words of encouragement also?
Thanks~


#2 User is offline   The Fujoshi 

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 06:48 PM

There was a really helpful thread about this but it's gooooone now.

All I can say is attempt to be social. Every introvert has extrovert in them and visa versa. Slowly go into conversations; make sure that you don't seem like a jerk by saying little comments into the conversation. It shows that you are at least listening.

Talk to people with your BFF or boyfriend or whoever you are comfortable with. Then work your way up. Get your friends if you have some already to encourage you to go to social places. Make sure they don't make it like a chore or something tedious.

If you are playing a social character that helps as well.

Go to places that you know you can met with people and voice how you are not a snob or what not but actually shy, they should understand.

No shy person is the same as the next shy person.
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#3 User is offline   NinjaJedi007 

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 07:17 PM

Fortune favors the bold! Take the risk and say what you'd like to say. Don't worry about saying something "dumb" either. At least you're being social and not just watching other people have all the fun.
Dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

#4 User is offline   Kasin 

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 08:20 PM

believe it or not, i'm very shy too!

not so much on the forums...
Anime: hell girl, & trigun. Manga: Soul eater. / Games: Dragon Age, DCUO, batman, & soulsilver.i'm a rini fan boypokemon friend code: 2836 0346 5412 battle anytime, need to get my gold/silver code. wii code: 0061 4530 7677 7629. XBL: hitherkasin & PSN ID: kasin13in 2011 i will be cosplaying as gene starwind & kouga, also w/ my daughter we will do pokemon trainer red/ash & eevee/pikachu. in 2012 we will do hit girl & big daddy, also mini moon & tuxedo mask. in 2013 we will do wizardmon & kari with a gatomon plushie (ty teko!) also mystic gohan & pan. I will also do green ranger some day.

#5 User is offline   nouseforaname 

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 08:29 PM

I'm not shy at all. I felt the urge to say this. Welcome to the forums?
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#6 User is offline   Pikachii 

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 08:29 PM

Believe in what you say, and believe that it is important and needs to be heard. Just try to be more out going and let people know you are shy ^-^
^-^

#7 User is offline   kenkendazo  

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 08:31 PM

If you are old enough, a small drink can give you a boost of confidence. After that, you realize that there was nothing you needed to fear and can be not as shy next time without a drink.
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#8 User is offline   NinjaJedi007 

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 09:05 PM

^ Drinking solves ALL problems! Maybe not, but it might for at least for a little while... :huh:
Dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

#9 User is offline   Normandy 

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 09:14 PM

I know exactly how you feel, I'm the same way. And I'll be going alone, too. I just hope my first ACen isn't like that, mostly wandering around and hardly talking to anyone...

#10 User is offline   Roselia55 

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 09:21 PM

View PostTHTR, on 23 April 2011 - 09:14 PM, said:

I know exactly how you feel, I'm the same way. And I'll be going alone, too. I just hope my first ACen isn't like that, mostly wandering around and hardly talking to anyone...

This is your first ACen too...? ; A;

#11 User is offline   NinjaJedi007 

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 09:24 PM

Come to the ACen meet & greets and be one of the social butterflies floating about!
Dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

#12 User is offline   Normandy 

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 09:25 PM

View PostRoselia55, on 23 April 2011 - 09:21 PM, said:

This is your first ACen too...? ; A;

Not only my first ACen, but my first con of any sort.

#13 User is offline   Roselia55 

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 09:28 PM

View PostTHTR, on 23 April 2011 - 09:25 PM, said:

Not only my first ACen, but my first con of any sort.

Ahh... This is my second con...
Maybe we'll bump into each other? Ahahahahaha. xD

This post has been edited by Roselia55: 24 April 2011 - 12:00 AM


#14 User is offline   NamiSetsai 

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 09:37 PM

I'm really shy too and end up keeping to myself or only talking to people I already know. I'm hoping it'll be different this year and am going in with a piece of advice my friend gave to me during my third year of ACEN (Of course I didn't really put it to use during the 4th year... but I plan to this year!) Whenever you have the urge to say something(on-topic) just go ahead and say it. Don't worry about sounding dumb or anything, just say it loud enough so they can hear you and let the conversation guide you. She'd do this every year I had gone with her and every time she did it, she'd become the social butterfly of whichever group of people she would be talking to.

It worked for her and so far it's worked for me outside of ACEN, maybe it'll work for you?

#15 User is offline   FluffyXCrayon 

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 09:49 PM

Yeah. I understand the whole "vibe" of feeling like you annoy someone, or get them mad or upset at you, when in reality, you didn't do anything.
I, lately, have made tough choices in my life, in which I had to make it clear to myself, that certain people aren't my real or close friends if I can't keep up a conversation with them because I get that "vibe"... ;_;
It sucks >_< So, I guess what I'm trying to say, because I don't have any close friends, only a few "acquaintances", I'm SUPER shy & I'm like you: I never get the chance to say anything, and when I try to, they change the topic or something ლ(´﹏`ლ) Mer...

BUT! Don't get yourself down! You should never give up trying to talk to other people! And if you don't want to be alone Friday, why don't you try finding one of the people in your Anime Club and ask them personally if you can join their group? That kinda kills a bit of the awkward shyness that would occur if you asked the WHOLE group in one go! It gives you a bit of a space and a breather! ^_^ Just a suggestion >_>

AND, if they say no to you joining their group, then I don't understand their Anime club at all ._. I mean, I would think a club would be a club to meet new people with common interests and everyone could get along and stuff... So I would see no exclusion...

> w < Any-whooo, just try to gather up some courage and be more talkative! ^_^ That's what I'm going to do this year since I didn't really meet anyone last year, my very first year at ACen, and I was really hoping to meet people... ._.;; (it was my fault completely since I didn't talk at all! Dx )
(´∀`) hohohohoho~

#16 User is offline   audaciouska241 

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 11:10 PM

I've found that cosplay really has helped me to become more social at cons. When I'm in costume, I'm not Kristin, I'm whatever character I'm dressed up as. So I feel as though I can say just about anything to anybody and not worry about what they'll think of me, because in a way, I'm NOT me. It really helps with that initial "getting to know people" phase. Then later on if I happen to talk to that person I can walk right up and say "hey! remember me!?!" and it's totally not awkward. Cosplay gives me a lot of confidence because I put a lot of hard work into my costume and they're usually met with praise, which doesn't hurt, lol. XD

#17 User is offline   nouseforaname 

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 11:20 PM

View PostNinjaJedi007, on 23 April 2011 - 09:24 PM, said:

Come to the ACen meet & greets and be one of the social butterflies floating about!

I Am Legend came to mind with that word.
Mighta been a time when I loved her too but you take that away, you always been the one.

ACen cosplay 2012:
Bioshock - Sander Cohen
Fullmetal Alchemist - Greedling

#18 User is offline   The Fujoshi 

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 11:27 PM

View PostNinjaJedi007, on 23 April 2011 - 09:05 PM, said:

^ Drinking solves ALL problems! Maybe not, but it might for at least for a little while... :huh:


Nah it only causes more problems and sometimes butt hurt :lol:

Just don't depend on drinking in order to be more social please.
ACen 2013 Cosplay:
Hero from SMT: DS2, Emmet/Kudari from Pokemon Black and White, Roppi Izaya from Durarara, Hitoshura human form from SMT.

All the random avatars this time are from LJ and I don't own any of them. Some of the avatars are credit to aristocracy, Taku ♫ arthursandwich, noxjustxnoin, imperial-code, dojicons, narrante, dino-cookie, shiroyuki_kun, takerzmuse, and ushitora_icons at LJ. I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE ICONS.


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#19 User is offline   KnitChick 

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Posted 23 April 2011 - 11:34 PM

I used to be really shy, I mean, in grammar school I spent recess alone, in my own little fantasy world. THAT shy :)

What has helped me come out of my shell has been a combination of public speaking & theatre classes, finding good friends I'm comfortable with, and to an extent, cosplay.

I started going to Acen to meet new people, since I had been dating a guy who basically cut me off from all my friends. There's a lot of friendly people around the con! Definitely come to the Meet & Greet on Thursday if you're able to, it's a great way to meet some new people and also put faces to forum names. I should (hopefully) be there.

I find a great way to strike up a friendship is to find something in common. I know quite a few friends of mine that I talk to I've met at Doctor Who photoshoots (both at Acen and the bi-annual one my friend and I run in the area). I started chatting with one of the Spoony Bards my first Acen when I noticed he was wearing a shirt of The Who (the band that is ;) ). It's just a matter of finding something in common. (which is probably why seemingly half my Facebook feed today was "OMG NEW DOCTOR WHO!")

Hope that helps! Hopefully I'll get a chance to see you at Acen!
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Posted 23 April 2011 - 11:54 PM

Break out of the norm. i myself never really care what others think, that dosnt mean i go and do things people dont like. i do things in good taste. no matter how zany and wild they are. point being try and break out of the norm a bit. i know its hard to go up to somone to start a freindship, but what if you do and that person is very cool. and what if they arnt? you dont look weird. just move along and onto the next person :D
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Posted 23 April 2011 - 11:57 PM

This is my first ACen too, but most people here seem really nice and open to welcoming others to the community and events. It wasn't till I joined that I discovered all these little get togethers folks are having during the con which is a nice bonus in my eyes. I've been to other cons before but never took the time to check out the community prior to going so it's been nice.

I think they've been mentioned but there are gatherings prior to the official event where you can meet people face to face. Scary, huh? :)
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Posted 24 April 2011 - 12:01 AM

come and join us at the thursday night meet and greet.
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#23 User is offline   delial 

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Posted 24 April 2011 - 04:03 PM

on my first acen i got stranded for a while and while waiting to meet someone I was just hanging out at the statue. A random girl came up to me, asked to borrow a makeup palette from another random person and asked if she could beat me up with makeup.

She gave me bruises with eyeshadow and went off and I guess she just wanted to practice her theatrical makeup skills? XD

Walking around by yourself at acen can be a little dull so try to cosplay! That way people around you, and youself, have an even easier excuse to randomly talk.

Acen really isn't enjoyable with friends unless everyone is on the same plan. But it hardly is that way. Not that its a bad thing, but everyone has their own plans and interests and ways to ultimately enjoy themselves.

I don't mind talking to random people, but if I sense serious creepiness, intentional or not (sadly), I tense up and build a wall :)
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Posted 25 April 2011 - 04:18 PM

As myself I would try to get to know and hang out with your anime group as much as possible before the con without seeming to clingy or something and if thy're cool people im sure they wouldn't mind you coming long :glomp: . I usually go to cons alone but you can almost always find someone to hang out with if you can strike up a good conversation with someone :highfive:. A lot better at not being shy but still working on it.

#25 User is offline   Ranko 

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Posted 25 April 2011 - 09:52 PM

I used to be a shy person, nothing short of trying, hard yet ever so slowly, was able to fix that for me. I'd say try and put yourself into more public situations, start where you are most comfortable and move into less and less comfortable situations as you see fit. The situations, with time, should become habit and shyness should fade, at least slightly.
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Posted 26 April 2011 - 09:49 AM

I definitly want to say that drinking helps but it's not really a good idea if you go too far or if you drink enough that it doesn't keep you in control because then, yes you probably will blame it on the alcohal..= anyway- I know how hard it is being shy, that was me a few years ago-didn't know how to talk to people rarely ever shared anything intimate with my friends even, it was a little ridiculous in my own head I became angry at myself.

BUT I used this anger and balled it up into courage and even if i was scared of the outcome the only one losing was myself. Even now I still get super red in the face with that adrenalized butterflies it's a bit intense but I manage to use it now.

Basically I want to say look like you are talk-to-able, and I know there are energetic people out there that will want to talk to you. Even better if you can be the one to start the convo. Try something new everyday.
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#27 User is offline   Pashy-chan 

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 04:48 PM

^w^ Honestly, as hard as it may sound, I always found going it alone gives the best ACen experience! This is me speaking personally, but I noticed that in groups of friends, you may not be able to go to all the events and panels you wish.. No matter what it is, interests will always vary. Not only this, but people will be wary of approaching you if they see you're already with a crew and having fun! So I say, do everything you wanna do, first and foremost! I guarantee, if you're having tons of fun, you'll automatically forget about that introverted shell!

And never be afraid to open your mouth, even if it's silly or stupid. ^w^ We all have our quircks and what not, I mean come on.. this is an anime convention.. xD

But really though, if you see someone in a cosplay you love, point it out! If you over-hear something, laugh along! And believe me, lines are the best and easiest places to make friends!! Everyone is waiting, and waiting, so any sort of fun with anyone is welcomed! Genuinely, the crowd at ACen is pretty nice, and although you may run into a few rude'mc'scrooges, don't let it falter you!

And hehe, like stated before, come to the meet-and-greet if you can! In any case, I'm rooting for you missy!! I know you can do it! It may be a struggle, but with a few words and bright smiles (they are contagious, afterall!) , you'll meet some new faces and no matter what, have a great time!!

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 05:37 PM

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#29 User is offline   Visadin the insane 

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 03:29 PM

I am shy for reasons i don't want to go though, and i also had a social meltdown last September that i am ashame to say what happened but it made me look like a scumbag. so now i am worried that i will scare people away. this acen i am hoping to repair the damage in my head and my soul.

This post has been edited by Visadin the insane: 27 April 2011 - 03:42 PM

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Posted 28 April 2011 - 12:46 PM

I suffer from this infliction as well. need good friends or wonderful people at Acen to over come. Since I am short, I will be the one hiding behind tall people, when a alone & in less crowded place with my head down, refusing to make eye contact, The person who looks nervous & twiddles her thumbs around awesome cosplay that she is too shy to ask for their picture. I am also known for cursing my self out in empty hall ways for missing those cosplay because of shyness.
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