[XenoBlade]

wrexness, on 03 October 2010 - 02:55 PM, said:

Way to grossly oversimplify things there, buddy. Sure, it's easy enough to talk about "being honest" and "speaking up" when you're a toned, larger male. Try doing it as a 100 lb female with a man twice her size coming onto her. She has no way of knowing what's going to happen. She has no clue if he has a gun or a knife, or if he'll follow her to her room or not; it becomes even worse if the guy is under the influence of booze or other substances. You have zero right to tell someone else how they should feel in a given situation. That's the very reason IRT is there. If they respond and find that the person's intentions aren't malicious, then the response team can work it out. If not, then she already has some form of protection from physical harm.

I'm going to have to agree with this one.

It depends on the situation tho. Some you can let know that you are kinda creeping them out, but others, who are "more fearsome" yeah, i'd go the safe path is I was a smaller person.

[Kaay-chan]

Morbid Intentions, on 03 October 2010 - 03:03 PM, said:

LOL

okay, to everyone else who has a head on their shoulders and has an understanding of how things work... tell the person how you feel first before you bother other people with useless drama that will probably be solved by telling the "creeper" how you feel

that's like 101 OF 101, don't run crying to security if the person is not even aware of how you feel about him hanging around... you seem like the type of person that will call security on some guy for being friendly and tagging along with you for a bit and then he's left holding the "WTF, I did not even know I was being a bother" bag

In this context, how do you define "creepy stalker"? Because let's face it, someone who is "being friendly and tagging along with you for a bit" would talk to you; say something like "hi, nice costume! I'm a fan of [insert anime here] too! What did you think of [the anime adaptation/ latest chapter/ how it ended]." If they're shy and akward, they might not be that forward about it, to be sure, but they wouldn't be following you around the convention. When I say "I think I'm being stalked" it's because someone is following me from the dealers room and then going to way too many of the same panels as me for it to be coincidence. Because that's what a stalker is; someone who stalks.

Quote

Definition of STALK

intransitive verb
1: to pursue quarry or prey stealthily
2: to walk stiffly or haughtily

transitive verb
1: to pursue by stalking
2: to go through (an area) in search of prey or quarry <stalk the woods for deer>
3: to pursue obsessively and to the point of harassment

http://www.merriam-w...tionary/stalker

Edit because I need to say this: What's basically bothering me is the fact that you're essentially saying that every time a girl at an anime convention is being stalked, it's just her overreacting and she really doesn't have anything to worry about. The reality, though, is that most girls aren't that dumb. Sure, sometimes they can mistake some one who's actually a really nice guy as being a creeper, but most people who frequent anime conventions have the sense to know that come across as creepy but are really nice guys (or gals) comes with the territory of being at an anime convention. You know what else comes with the territory of being at an anime convention, though? Real, genuine, creepy stalkers and creepers like the person Keiichi was talking about. They're out there; they're real; and by being as dismissive as you are about it, you put people in very real danger.

This post has been edited by Kaay-chan: 03 October 2010 - 03:25 PM

[XenoBlade]

This has become a debate of needing to look at things from the other person's shoes.

In that aspect, I have to say that well, there are alot of TRUE stalkers out there at cons, and it isn't just girls being shallow and conceited. And it's not so easy if someone is being like that to tell them to back off.

however

while there is stalkers, it has to be admitted that alot of people are more inclined to wait if the stalker was attractive. Still creeped out, but would feel flattered, unless he gets physical or gets creepy like taking weird pictures.

I'm thinking that is where the median should stand.

[Kaay-chan]

XenoBlade, on 03 October 2010 - 03:29 PM, said:

This has become a debate of needing to look at things from the other person's shoes.

In that aspect, I have to say that well, there are alot of TRUE stalkers out there at cons, and it isn't just girls being shallow and conceited. And it's not so easy if someone is being like that to tell them to back off.

however

while there is stalkers, it has to be admitted that alot of people are more inclined to wait if the stalker was attractive. Still creeped out, but would feel flattered, unless he gets physical or gets creepy like taking weird pictures.

I'm thinking that is where the median should stand.

Honestly, since I'm 5'1'' and don't have much in the way of upper body strength, it doesn't matter if you're good looking or not; if you're considerably taller than me, I'm going to be on edge. I mean, yeah, I have taken a fair number of self defense classes, but it's not exactly something I want to have to use.

[KungPowKirby]

I agree with Wrex and Kaay. Also, not creepy people are stalkers. Case: A guy I met at a party who was hitting on everything that moved, male, female, and jailbate. He was in the party yelling back and forth with a girl about whether he had stds. (cont)

[Morbid Intentions]

Kaay-chan, on 03 October 2010 - 03:16 PM, said:

Edit because I need to say this: What's basically bothering me is the fact that you're essentially saying that every time a girl at an anime convention is being stalked, it's just her overreacting and she really doesn't have anything to worry about. The reality, though, is that most girls aren't that dumb. Sure, sometimes they can mistake some one who's actually a really nice guy as being a creeper, but most people who frequent anime conventions have the sense to know that come across as creepy but are really nice guys (or gals) comes with the territory of being at an anime convention. You know what else comes with the territory of being at an anime convention, though? Real, genuine, creepy stalkers and creepers like the person Keiichi was talking about. They're out there; they're real; and by being as dismissive as you are about it, you put people in very real danger.

that is not what I am saying at all, I'm saying it's only fair to give the person the fair warning he/she deserves for benefit of the doubt.... it's a win/win deal... they will either A. back off and your problem is solved.. or B. they will be dismissive about it and continue to do their deal... which at that point you go to security... and not only do you go to security, you go to security with a believable solid case, how you spoke your issue with the person and he pressed harder and a line of events that really makes the person look bad in others eyes... and depending on what he did and if others have a case against him you could very possibly get him booted from the con... and I might add this is also (like I said before) under the implification he is not doing anything serious, just a stranger following you around and being social... but creepy

this set of rules is usually applied with a lot of things and it's pretty well known so that is why I'm having trouble seeing you disagree with something that is so widely accepted... and not only that, but agree with the statement that it's okay because you are a smaller woman... women have more control over men than you think, size means nothing when it comes to issues like this, especially in a highly populated area such as a con.

This post has been edited by Morbid Intentions: 03 October 2010 - 03:41 PM

[KungPowKirby]

He apparently had slept with her the night before. He then proceeded to ask to drink from peoples cups, touch people when they asked not to (including me), and just be a general nusicence. He found me later in the night, cornered me and grabbed (cont)

[KungPowKirby]

my hand and force me to shake it because I wouldnt before. Im big girl, and a hell of a hot head and he SCARED me. Not just 100lbs girls can be creeped. this guy didnt follow me around and wasnt a stalker. still this was a situation for IRT...

[Kaay-chan]

Morbid Intentions, on 03 October 2010 - 03:36 PM, said:

that is not what I am saying at all, I'm saying it's only fair to give the person the fair warning he/she deserves for benefit of the doubt.... it's a win/win deal... they will either A. back off and your problem is solved.. or B. they will be dismissive about it and continue to do their deal... which at that point you go to security... and not only do you go to security, you go to security with a believable solid case, how you spoke you issue with the person and he pressed harder and a line of events that really makes the person look bad in others eyes... and depending on what he did and if others have a case against him you could very possibly get him booted from the con... and I might add this is also (liek I said before) under the implification he is not doing anything serious, just a stranger following you around and being social... but creepy

this set of rules is usually applied with a lot of things and it's pretty well known so that is why I'm having trouble seeing you disagree with something that is so widely accepted... and not only that agree with the statement that it's okay because you are a woman... women have more control over men than you think

Great. Like someone else here said; try talking to someone who you think might possibly be a stalker when you're as tiny as I am and rather shy with strangers yourself. You really need to look at it from both perspectives. Now, sure, I tend to be a bit more outgoing when I'm around other anime fans, but when a code yellow or orange is going off in my head, I draw back; like I said, I tend to tense up when I'm around tall people because I am rather tiny, and I realize it's irrational and that they're most likely really cool people, but that's just how it is.

[wrexness]

Morbid Intentions, on 03 October 2010 - 03:03 PM, said:

"gross oversimplification" was not implied, gross oversimplification was assumed on account of people in love with drama it seems... it's just the way it is, most of these people do not have ill intentions and when they find out they are bothering someone they will back off... if they do not, THAT is when security can come into the mix... this give and take scenario is used in a lot more things than con stalkers... it's the bread and butter of calling the authorities as well... the police ask what? "well does he know you don't want him coming around here? is there a restraining order? no? no? well then you just wasted our time and we have to tell him what you should have

and what is wrong with being an 100lbs female and speaking your mind? what is someone going to do at a con? really? you're playing that card? yeah, someone is going to get mad and stab you in front of 500 passerby's... LOL

that just seems like a sexist comment to me, I know plenty of hot headed smaller females that make people larger than me back down very easily... why? because unlike in your handy scenarios NOT EVERYONE IS OUT TO RAPE YOUR BUTT AND SLIT YOUR THROAT

you two are just acting like every person that comes off creepy are serial killers that will not acknowledge what you are saying to him and not stop contact with you because their goal is most definitely to make people feel weirded out ::rolls eyes::

Uh, no, we're not. You're just taking your own view and assuming that it's the correct view. You're assuming that every area of the con is well populated, and that no one is out to get you. There are plenty of rooms and areas of the hotel where events do take place but only have smaller panels. You've also got hallways and other areas that area almost not populated at all. This is especially troublesome if you have someone who isn't as used to the con and gets lost easily.

You're also assuming that everyone who attends these cons is in good balance mentally. Yeah, sure, 99.9% of the people who show up to ACen are just people genuinely looking for a good time. But if you run into that 1 person that isn't right in the head, it doesn't matter if there's a million people around, if you set them off, they're going off. If everyone thought logically, no one would ever be raped or murdered, no one would be assaulted, and we'd all be living in Utopia right now. Unfortunately, that's not true, and women do have to keep an eye out for their own well being. If a woman waits until the situation gets dangerous, it's already too late. Life doesn't work like one nice, easily analyzed situation. If a girl isn't comfortable, she's not comfortable. You don't have any right to violate her space whether she actively says so or not. How she chooses to address the matter is entirely up to her, and if you are too dense to figure out that she doesn't want you around based on her body language, then it's your own fault for not backing off sooner. Besides, it's freakin' IRT, not the Rosemont police. If you being inconvenienced for 15 minutes is the price to pay for the safety of congoers, then heck yeah I'm in favor of that. Better safe than sorry.

If you would rather let the situation escalate to the point of no return, that's you prerogative. But if a girl chooses to call in IRT and they have to clear up a misunderstanding (best case scenario), I'm not going to fault her for that. When she feels are only choices are to reject his advances and risk further pissing him off (again, especially if he's under the influence) or to contact someone else for help, I don't blame her for doing the latter.

XenoBlade, on 03 October 2010 - 03:09 PM, said:

I'm going to have to agree with this one.

It depends on the situation tho. Some you can let know that you are kinda creeping them out, but others, who are "more fearsome" yeah, i'd go the safe path is I was a smaller person.

Agreed. Like Ben said, a woman can't jump up and call IRT just because a guy says "hi, like your costume", but when a male moves very aggressively - especially an impaired one - there is a legitimate fear on the part of the woman where she will feel that saying no will just provoke a violent reaction.

[Morbid Intentions]

wrexness, on 03 October 2010 - 03:44 PM, said:

what do you do for a living?

I'm working a private 4 man security job for a VIP TIME magazine party in Detroit this coming Thursday...

I'm just filling in the experience you do not have is all... I set my parameters very clearly before I even posted on the subject, stop grasping for drama implying your own set of rules please... thank you, and have a wonderful day

also, unlike yourself... I've seen my scenarios I talk about unfold in a con setting... more than a few times

it's one thing to talk about what might happen based on your own views of what society is like, it's another thing to SEE things happen and talk about them... which is what I am doing

This post has been edited by Morbid Intentions: 03 October 2010 - 04:02 PM

[HaruHE]

Alright alright....I think this is just turning into dramu central now, does this really need to continue? Obviously each party involved is starting to become quite upset and it's apparent. I'm all for free speech but I think it's gone on long enough... Both sides have their points and arguments, no need to escalate it even further.

[Voxx]

Alright we are getting into flame territory. Remember the OP? Let's get back on topic to a stalker story and how you dealt with it instead of nit picking types of stalkers and what a stalker is.

Haru- Wavelengths!

This post has been edited by Ska: 03 October 2010 - 03:58 PM

[XenoBlade]

Yeah it's getting a wee bit out of control. That's kinda aiming below the belt. I'm all for speaking your mind (since I'm blunt myself) but I don't think all that was neccessary.

lol wow, I had no idea I sounded too much like HaruHE lol

This post has been edited by XenoBlade: 03 October 2010 - 04:00 PM

[redx1]

HaruHE, on 03 October 2010 - 03:53 PM, said:

Alright alright....I think this is just turning into dramu central now, does this really need to continue? Obviously each party involved is starting to become quite upset and it's apparent. I'm all for free speech but I think it's gone on long enough... Both sides have their points and arguments, no need to escalate it even further.

Ska, on 03 October 2010 - 03:57 PM, said:

Alright we are getting into flame territory. Remember the OP? Let's get back on topic to a stalker story and how you dealt with it instead of nit picking types of stalkers and what a stalker is.

Haru- Wavelengths!

XenoBlade, on 03 October 2010 - 03:58 PM, said:

Yeah it's getting a wee bit out of control. That's kinda aiming below the belt. I'm all for speaking your mind (since I'm blunt myself) but I don't think all that was neccessary.

lol wow, I had no idea I sounded too much like HaruHE lol

Yup yup yup.

Please guys. Let's make our posts helpful to the OP of this thread. Bickering about does not help anyone.

[Kaay-chan]

Morbid Intentions, on 03 October 2010 - 03:52 PM, said:

what do you do for a living?

I'm working a private 4 man security job for a VIP TIME magazine party in Detroit this coming Thursday...

I'm just filling in the experience you do not have is all... stop grasping for drama implying your own set of rules please... thank you, and have a wonderful day

also, unlike yourself... I've seen my scenarios unfold in a con setting... more than a few times

And a week or so ago I got an email from Campus Security looking for information about a guy who had grabbed this girl, dragged her to a street corner, yelled at her and hit her. It seemed to be an isolated incident, and I'm assuming the fact that the school sent out an campus wide email asking for information to confirm or deny this means that she didn't know who the guy was. Please don't act like just because you've seen your scenario happen before on multiple occasions doesn't mean that bad things never happen.

[Morbid Intentions]

:] -alk

This post has been edited by Alkaren Hyralt: 03 October 2010 - 05:05 PM

[Alkaren Hyralt]

Since Red has said something, I won't close the thread at the moment.

However, this thread is close to being shut down. So let's just go back to the original topic. :]

[Ranko]

Kaay-chan, on 03 October 2010 - 03:33 PM, said:

Honestly, since I'm 5'1'' and don't have much in the way of upper body strength, it doesn't matter if you're good looking or not; if you're considerably taller than me, I'm going to be on edge. I mean, yeah, I have taken a fair number of self defense classes, but it's not exactly something I want to have to use.

Ya know, this post made me think. This may be why some people avoided me, as I'm nearly 7ft tall... 6'10, I believe. I guess my height, and overall size makes me look threatening, although I'm honestly a nice guy lol.

[wrexness]

I hear you, Ranko. I'm not quite that tall, but I've always been close to (if not THE) largest person in my class. I've had my share of suspicious looks purely because of my size, but normally after a few minutes of talking before they realize I'm just a teddy bear. Though since I don't really approach people that often, there's really not much of an issue of being perceived to be a creepy person.

This post has been edited by wrexness: 03 October 2010 - 05:24 PM

[Krystal]

Ranko, on 03 October 2010 - 05:11 PM, said:

Ya know, this post made me think. This may be why some people avoided me, as I'm nearly 7ft tall... 6'10, I believe.

Whoaaaa.....I now want to meet you on the sheer merit of that. That's cool!

[XenoBlade]

Krystal, on 03 October 2010 - 06:14 PM, said:

Whoaaaa.....I now want to meet you on the sheer merit of that. That's cool!

I'd lol if you actually was look "who is this scary guy coming towards me???" and then he is like..."Oh hai it's ranko!" lol

[HaruHE]

Heh, I'm right up there with Ranko. I'm pretty sure in my heel'd boots I stand 7 ft.

[Keiichi-chan]

Kaay-chan, on 03 October 2010 - 03:33 PM, said:

Honestly, since I'm 5'1'' and don't have much in the way of upper body strength, it doesn't matter if you're good looking or not; if you're considerably taller than me, I'm going to be on edge. I mean, yeah, I have taken a fair number of self defense classes, but it's not exactly something I want to have to use.

why don't you just SAY who you're talking about, kaay?!
*cries*
i may be tall, but my heart is the same size as anyone else's - and you just broke it.

i do actually get the point morbid was trying to make: the majority of people at a con are just awkward, lonely, and desperate. the ones that put you at risk are definitely in the minority and it's sort of up to the stalkee's discretion whether they want to risk embarrassing some antisocial geek who thinks they're pretty.

i've seen a lot of guys i meet on this forum, if they're tall and especially tall and/or a little chubby and kind of quiet, they immediately freak out girls. i've been talking to girls i knew or met at cons while in a room or area with a guy like that nearby and girls have asked me, 'who's that scary/creepy guy?' i want everyone to be safe, but i do think it sucks that people who lack social skills, or just naturally look intimidating because of their build or facial expressions, have to get tackled by irc for being too shy to speak to a girl they're flustered by.

This post has been edited by Keiichi-chan: 03 October 2010 - 09:20 PM

[Lina]

Keiichi-chan, on 03 October 2010 - 09:18 PM, said:

why don't you just SAY who you're talking about, kaay?!
*cries*
i may be tall, but my heart is the same size as anyone else's - and you just broke it.

i do actually get the point morbid was trying to make: the majority of people at a con are just awkward, lonely, and desperate. the ones that put you at risk are definitely in the minority and it's sort of up to the stalkee's discretion whether they want to risk embarrassing some antisocial geek who thinks they're pretty.

i've seen a lot of guys i meet on this forum, if they're tall and especially tall and/or a little chubby and kind of quiet, they immediately freak out girls. i've been talking to girls i knew or met at cons while in a room or area with a guy like that nearby and girls have asked me, 'who's that scary/creepy guy?' i want everyone to be safe, but i do think it sucks that people who lack social skills, or just naturally look intimidating because of their build or facial expressions, have to get tackled by irc for being too shy to speak to a girl they're flustered by.

Keiichi, stop stalking me! You creep me out! D<

This post has been edited by Lina: 03 October 2010 - 09:25 PM

[Keiichi-chan]

Lina, on 03 October 2010 - 09:25 PM, said:

Keiichi, stop stalking me! You creep me out! D<

YOU SAID YOU WERE COOL WITH IT!
then again, i was wearing this when i was stalking..
http://i756.photobuc...er/HNI_0079.jpg

This post has been edited by Keiichi-chan: 03 October 2010 - 09:30 PM

[Lina]

Keiichi-chan, on 03 October 2010 - 09:30 PM, said:

YOU SAID YOU WERE COOL WITH IT!
then again, i was wearing this when i was stalking..
http://i756.photobuc...er/HNI_0079.jpg

I can't trust you now! You deceived me with an adorable hat!

[Kaay-chan]

Keiichi-chan, on 03 October 2010 - 09:18 PM, said:

why don't you just SAY who you're talking about, kaay?!
*cries*
i may be tall, but my heart is the same size as anyone else's - and you just broke it.

You're tall? ._. The one time I met you, you were sitting, so I didn't really notice. >.>;;;

[wrexness]

Keiichi-chan, on 03 October 2010 - 09:18 PM, said:

why don't you just SAY who you're talking about, kaay?!
*cries*
i may be tall, but my heart is the same size as anyone else's - and you just broke it.

It's okay~ I'll make it all better~ ;3

[Keiichi-chan]

Kaay-chan, on 03 October 2010 - 10:03 PM, said:

You're tall? ._. The one time I met you, you were sitting, so I didn't really notice. >.>;;;

i'm like 5'11''.
i think that's considered tall.

Quote

It's okay~ I'll make it all better~ ;3

thank goodness! finally, a REAL MAN. <3

This post has been edited by Keiichi-chan: 03 October 2010 - 10:34 PM