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Woke up in the middle of the night Wrote what was in my head

#1 User is offline   Jeff 

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Posted 26 August 2010 - 02:36 AM

The man of the north trods upon the soft earth, depressions left in his wake.
The depressions fade as sky turns earth, His impact is forgotten.
His hands are black, he walks. His feet are black, he walks.
The depressions left grow shallow, more quickly consumed by the sky.
The earth was soft, now hard, as the man of the north trods on.
The man knows not, he has no feet with which to feel the earth.
The man knows not, he has no hands with which to clean his eyes.
The man of the north trods still on, the earth becoming thin.
Until upon the earth he treads, the earth becomes no more.
The man of the north walks no further.
Love, Peace, & Video Games

#2 User is offline   TekoMuto 

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Posted 26 August 2010 - 07:05 AM

Last night I
i've stopped posting links in my siggy due to degradation of the internet 5/23/12

#3 User is offline   kenkendazo  

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Posted 26 August 2010 - 11:36 AM

Lots and lots of dolls.



Nice verse Jeff.
Linlindesu is muh Waifu <3

The Roose is on the loose!

#4 User is offline   burgundyflour 

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Posted 26 August 2010 - 12:21 PM

That seemed sad. I was half expecting it to end with a happy/hopeful line.^^
But it's really pretty.

This post has been edited by burgundyflour: 26 August 2010 - 12:23 PM

Let them eat cake?

#5 User is offline   Jeff 

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Posted 26 August 2010 - 01:42 PM

Eh, I think it's terrible. I was thinking about ending it with him seeing the sky for the last time and being happy that he dies without leaving anything behind, but I changed my mind.
Love, Peace, & Video Games

#6 User is offline   KirbyFanOne 

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Posted 26 August 2010 - 02:28 PM

I woke up in a black FEMA box.
Darkness was all around me... in my coffin.
My dreams are all nightmares anymore.
And this is what I dream every night.
Currently watching: People make fools of themselves
Currently reading: Text on a screen
Currently playing: Mind games

This is a turkey ---> o3o

#7 User is offline   burgundyflour 

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Posted 27 August 2010 - 12:14 AM

View PostJeff, on 26 August 2010 - 01:42 PM, said:

Eh, I think it's terrible. I was thinking about ending it with him seeing the sky for the last time and being happy that he dies without leaving anything behind, but I changed my mind.


No. it's really good. it creates a great visual. But, reading it again, it sounds fine the way it is.
You're right. A happy ending like that just wouldn't fit.

At the end I just imagine this guy going into a mist.

Good job

This post has been edited by burgundyflour: 27 August 2010 - 12:14 AM

Let them eat cake?

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