[chamgirl89]

(if this is in the wrong section, feel free to move it)

Anyways, I'm not allowed to go to any other anime conventions. Even the ones close to me like Anime Milwaukee which is only an hour drive from where I live. Reason why: my mom won't let me . I'm 20 years old, going to be 21 in September and I'm still being treated like a kid. Sad, isn't it? And even if I could go to other cons I can't go by myself, like with ACen. Don't get me wrong, I love going with my friend but seriously if for some reason my friend can't go to ACen then I can't go to ACen. If any of you guys have advice on how my mom can let me go to other cons (especially without my friend), please tell me D: I want to experience other cons and meet new people and whatnot.

[Unlucky Slayer]

If you're still living at home, the only way to get away those rules would be to move out. Other than that, sit down with your mother and talk it out. If she's that dead set on preventing you to go, not much can be done about that, specially if she is footing any bills and whatnot.

This post has been edited by Unlucky Slayer: 21 July 2010 - 02:59 PM

[Ashori]

Know that feeling - I deal with that with my mom all the time.
Trust me, I'm having a fun time trying to work with her about letting me go to Anime Milwaukee for one day (my brother will be staying up there again - little complaint from my mom) and trying to stay at the hotel for A-Cen (my brother's done this once already and would've done it twice - again, little complaint from my mom).

Sadly, the only way I know how to deal with it is this: yell and scream. That's all I do with my mom. I yell and scream at her and tell her that I'm an adult and should be able to do things on my own without having my mother's permission. I tell her that it's not fair that my brother, 15 months younger than me, gets to do things that I can't do (stay overnight at friends' houses, go out of town for different cons, go out to different events and such with friends) with just saying "I'm doing this, I'll be back at this time, and I got a ride so don't worry about that" while I have to ask permission to go out for a few hours with other responsible adults ("Can I go with them to this place three days from now at this time to this time?"). I tell her that it's time she lets me grow up and allows me to be an adult instead of treating me like a child. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't (however, last time it allowed me to say out until 11pm instead of 10pm! Yay! /sarcasm).

Pretty much, boiling it down to this: the closer your mother feels they are to you, really the more the feel like they need to protect you and guard you from the "dangers of the world". The best way I can figure to deal with this, since I don't know if yelling and screaming will work well in your case, is sit down with her for a long, adult chat. Talk to her about how your an adult and she needs to treat you like one. Also tell her about cons and your experiences with A-Cen and how they aren't that bad alone (coming from a person who's gone two years alone, it's really not bad as long as you stay where it's crowded so you're not actually alone and are surrounded by people who can help you if something goes wrong). Heck, tell her to come with you to one, a small one like Anime Milwaukee, and show her how much fun and safe they can be. Even if she has no interest in anime, it'll least expose her to a con atmosphere and show her what you like to do and may even put her mind at ease.

Sorry if this advice doesn't seem helpful or useful in anyway, but hopefully it does help in someway. XD

SongstressLenne, on 21 July 2010 - 03:00 PM, said:

As long as your know you are going to a safe area, know your surroundings and have people you are going with it shouldn't be a problem. Unless you are meeting up with people, going to a con alone out of state doesn't sound like a good idea IMHO.

See, I kinda disagree with that, but only from a personal standpoint - I know nothing about the area surrounding A-Cen. For the two years I went to the con alone, my dad drove my brother and I down there, then he dropped us off and we went our separate ways. My only saving grace is that I know the entire A-Cen consite by heart from being there for a few years before that. I think as long as you stay on consite when you're alone, and if you know it well enough, then you'll be fine to go the con by yourself, out of state or not.

This post has been edited by Ashori: 21 July 2010 - 03:12 PM

[Voxx]

I highly suggest to NOT yell and scream at your parental figures...
That is extremely disrespectful. You live under their roof. If you feel so high and mighty, you move out and pay for everything yourself and go by your own rules.

If your parents don't understand or will not let you do certain things, show them that you are responsible. Tell them exactly what you will be doing and why. Give them the addresses and tell them that you will keep your cell on you at all times if they need to call. If they still don't let you go, then find other things to work on. It isn't that bad. You don't have that long till you can move out and live your life how you want to.

[Dark Stranger]

And that's why people need to move out when they are 20 or over.

[Emberlynn]

I don't think the OP views themself as an adult, because they're asking the question with verbiage that a teen would use.

I know this is going to be *extremely* unpopular ... but ... as long as you're living *at home* - not paying rent, not contributing to the bills, not paying for groceries ... you're *not* a 'grown up'. I realize it's difficult these days, and I understand that -- There's a difference between being stymied and being comfortable with the status quo as far as transitioning into the world.

And, there are parents who believe as long as you're at home ... and they're paying for everything -- well... there's an old saying - the person with the money makes the rules.

[Voxx]

SongstressLenne, on 21 July 2010 - 03:40 PM, said:

Also for those saying move out, sometimes it is harder than people think. She most likely has her reason just like I do to why living with the parental units is the best option for the moment.

You are so right. It is extremely difficult to move out so that is why instead of arguing and fighting with your parents, you show how responsible and mature you are by talking with them. Much different than arguing. But unfortunately some parents are not understanding.

[Emberlynn]

SongstressLenne, on 21 July 2010 - 03:40 PM, said:

Also for those saying move out, sometimes it is harder than people think. She most likely has her reason just like I do to why living with the parental units is the best option for the moment.

but the thing is, Lenne, you make it clear you contribute, and you communicate / negotiate. VERY important

not all parents are open to negotiation. mine weren't (there were also other circumstances). so, even before I was 18 (only by a few months) I shot out of the family home like a rocket.

This post has been edited by Emberlynn: 21 July 2010 - 03:53 PM

[KirbyFanOne]

Ska_Toranpetta, on 21 July 2010 - 03:48 PM, said:

But unfortunately some parents are not understanding.

You force my hand.

Srsly, moving out is much harder than it seems. I did some math and half of my yearly income goes to my choo-choo alone. I couldn't afford rent and food at this rate.

As always, understanding is the key to success in this matter. If you cannot bridge the gap, we can't help much sadly ):

[Emberlynn]

well, it is what it was, Lenne. I did my best not to repeat it in raising my son. I mean ... how many parents (my age) go to anime conventions -- with THEIR KID??

[Ashori]

Ska_Toranpetta, on 21 July 2010 - 03:31 PM, said:

I highly suggest to NOT yell and scream at your parental figures...
That is extremely disrespectful. You live under their roof. If you feel so high and mighty, you move out and pay for everything yourself and go by your own rules.

I only yell and scream at my mom because she ultimately shelters me and treats me differently from my younger brother, and talking to her calmly doesn't help anymore. So for me, yelling and screaming is the only way to get my point across. I don't know if this is the same as in chamgirl's case or not, but sometimes when it gets to the point of yelling and screaming, then perhaps that can be the turning point for a parent to realize they need to let their child grow up a bit.

SongstressLenne, on 21 July 2010 - 03:40 PM, said:

Everyone has their own reasons but how good of an argument of not knowing your surroundings will prove that, "Hey I'll be fine on my own, don't worry.". I can totally understand going to a different city or town by yourself within the same state. Going out of state by yourself and wandering alone, not knowing anyone is reason to say wait a minute....

That's the thing, I was only stating from my personal view point. I don't know anything about the area surrounding the A-Cen consite, but I do know the consite itself, so I feel safe as long as I stay on the site of the con. I'm from out of state, yes, but I still personally feel safe even away from home because I know where I'm going and where I am as long as I'm on the consite. That's why I kinda disagreed with you. XD

And throwing in my own two cents about the moving out thing...it's much easier said than done. I've been told constantly I should move out so I shouldn't have to deal with my parents (already discussed my mom, don't want to even go into details about my dad). However, it's not as easy as it looks - I'm 21, can't drive, still in college, and thanks to my autoimmune disorder I have bouts of illness one right after another that makes it hard to do a lot of the things I want to do. Perhaps chamgirl has similar situations, perhaps she doesn't. Or perhaps moving out just isn't financially possible. Or perhaps she doesn't want to move out quite yet for one reason or another. Who knows?

[Emberlynn]

for me ... yelling is a sign of immaturity. I raised my son with the notion -the thing he nagged me the most for, would be the last thing he would get. The same goes for screaming matches. I won't engage in them.

Also -- if screaming is the only way I had to communicate - I'd completely shut down - I'm not going to speak at that point. yelling is *not* productive & it's not respectful -and it should *never* pass as a form of communication.

[chamgirl89]

Ashori, on 21 July 2010 - 04:24 PM, said:

I only yell and scream at my mom because she ultimately shelters me and treats me differently from my younger brother, and talking to her calmly doesn't help anymore. So for me, yelling and screaming is the only way to get my point across. I don't know if this is the same as in chamgirl's case or not, but sometimes when it gets to the point of yelling and screaming, then perhaps that can be the turning point for a parent to realize they need to let their child grow up a bit.


That's the thing, I was only stating from my personal view point. I don't know anything about the area surrounding the A-Cen consite, but I do know the consite itself, so I feel safe as long as I stay on the site of the con. I'm from out of state, yes, but I still personally feel safe even away from home because I know where I'm going and where I am as long as I'm on the consite. That's why I kinda disagreed with you. XD

And throwing in my own two cents about the moving out thing...it's much easier said than done. I've been told constantly I should move out so I shouldn't have to deal with my parents (already discussed my mom, don't want to even go into details about my dad). However, it's not as easy as it looks - I'm 21, can't drive, still in college, and thanks to my autoimmune disorder I have bouts of illness one right after another that makes it hard to do a lot of the things I want to do. Perhaps chamgirl has similar situations, perhaps she doesn't. Or perhaps moving out just isn't financially possible. Or perhaps she doesn't want to move out quite yet for one reason or another. Who knows?

As much as I would love to move out, don't have the money and don't know where to go. :/

[sentinel28a]

I think part of it is a mom being a mom. I'm almost 38 years old, and occasionally my mother still thinks I'm 10. It's hard for them to let go and realize you are a fully-functional adult, even when you're my age and have proven consistently that you are responsible, mature (well, mostly), and have lived on your own for the past 10 years. They still want to see you as the little kid who used to call them "Mommy" and make little hearts for them on Mother's Day.

Just this year, when I thought about taking the train the long way around (from Montana to California, and from California to Chicago, for the sole reason that I've never been to California), my mom talked me out of it. She was afraid of me going alone to a strange place (i.e. Sacramento). Like I said, I'm not that far away from being officially middle-aged ( ), and here's my mom being scared for my safety. I did as she asked, because she's my mom, I love her, and she's got enough on her plate to worry about.

So I wouldn't take the thing about "Don't go alone to a con" as an insult. Your mom is worried about you, and honestly, I wouldn't go to ACen alone. For one thing, it's a lot more fun with other people, and for another, nothing scares me more than the trip from the train to the taxi stand. When you're alone, in a big city, and loaded down with luggage, you have a target on you.

Now if she's saying you can only go to one con a year for no other reason than being overprotective, it might not be a bad idea to remind her that you are over 18 and can, generally, take care of yourself. I'd do it politely, and add if you can't be trusted with something like this, then what's going to happen when you do move out? Mom can't keep you at home forever, though they will usually try.

But try and meet her halfway. She doesn't want you to go alone--fine, find some friends to go with you. Responsible friends. Be reasonable about the whole thing, don't play the "It's so unfair!" card (it doesn't work anyway), and most of all, be mature about it. Nothing can sabotage your chances of being taken seriously as an adult than to act like a spanked child.

Ben Da Mad Irishman

[Lina]

My mom has been telling me I have to move out before I turn 21 because I'm not going to school. I don't know how she expects me to pay rent in a county where the minimum for rent for a studio is around 800 dollars (mostly studios cost 900-1000 dollars at least) and I only make minimum wage. I don't really have friends who I would ask to move into an apartment with me so we can split rent since my parents don't want me living with my boyfriend because it's against their religion. (They won't even let him meet family 'til it's basically official that we will get married because it will be awkward if he and I break up. Which is BS. My cousins on my mom's side of the family brought significant others that they ended up not getting married to to Thanksgiving and Christmas. My familys are very open.) I'll still live with him when we can find an apartment that we can afford that is close to my work. (no more than a 30 minute drive)

I wish you luck cham! Hopefully your mom can be more understanding and treat you more like an adult. I wish I could give you advice, but I don't really have any. D;

[KungPowKirby]

I had a problem like this & made a point to bring out the educational propertys of the con. explain how it would benfit you other than just for fun. You may have the problem of your mom thinking its a "childish waste of time and money." to quote mine. lol

[Alkaren Hyralt]

When I was 18 I went to my first "con", Quakecon. I packed up my computer in my truck, put in my clothes and yelled " Bye mom back in 4 days or so!" and left.

This of course may not work with all people.

But at almost 21 years old, I think you can choose to go to an event or not. Some parents are far too controlling/sheltering e.e

[wrexness]

Alkaren Hyralt, on 21 July 2010 - 06:12 PM, said:

When I was 18 I went to my first "con", Quakecon. I packed up my computer in my truck, put in my clothes and yelled " Bye mom back in 4 days or so!" and left.

This of course may not work with all people.

But at almost 21 years old, I think you can choose to go to an event or not. Some parents are far too controlling/sheltering e.e

That's more or less how my con trips went when I still lived at home. My mom really didn't care what I did because pretty much my entire life I'd been nothing but responsible and trustworthy. (I do wish she had come down harder on my sister who was neither of these though. >.> ) Sorry, cham, don't really have the experience so I can't really help. ^^;

[Keiichi-chan]

forgive me for saying so, but a lot of people just aren't going to 'get' it.
i don't tell people i go to japanese anime conventions unless they mention going themselves or being a huge fan of anime or manga or things like that.

i wouldn't have told my parents that's what i was doing in the first place unless i had to.

[Cherry_Wolf]

I'm sorry for your problem here, but I agree with a majority of the people on here. Just try talking to her about it calmly... try to convince her that you are an adult and you can be trusted. Maybe even invite friends over who you believe to be responsible and let them meet your mom and settle her fears. Responsible friends to room with at a con can calm a mother's nerves, since she'll know you are in good, mature hands!

And if you are paying rent (I still live with my parents, paying 200 for rent and pay the internet every other month(my sister has the other half of it) and I pay any of my cat's vet bills) then you are technically paying to live there, of course it depends on how much it is... but anything over $150-200 a month, I think you have a little here say on what you can do with your money and time. But maybe that's just my opinion

Either way~ I hope you and your mom can come to a compromise and not get on each other's bad side over it ;A;~

This post has been edited by Cherry_Wolf: 21 July 2010 - 07:33 PM

[FlyingElf]

Honestly your parents are only in as much control of your life as you let them be. That being said, if you are not prepared to live on your own and be independent, you're kinda stuck living by their rules to some degree because they can always just kick you out. Basically if you can't afford your own place now and this is important to you, start saving up. Put some money away each week to earn your way out. This may also mean finding a better and/or full time job. And possibly finding a friend who is willing to move out with you.

Honestly its impossible to really even begin to give you advice on your situation without knowing more details. Some general advice though if it helps at all. Act more adult and mature. If you act like you can't handle being on your own, your parents aren't going to let you go out on your own.

Get a job. It shows you're responsible and willing to work toward paying your own way to these events.

Help out around the house. Again it goes with looking responsible.

If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you say you are going to be home at 10, be home at 10. If you are going to be late, call.

Then again you may already do some or all of these things. Like I said, its almost impossible to give anything but general advice without knowing the specifics. And honestly even if you do all that your mother may just be one of those very controlling people in general. It also may be that she has a problem with anime in general and finds the hobby to be childish and if so theres an entirely different way to approach that problem.

Best of luck to you. If you want any more specific advice from me, you are welcome to hit me up sometime and we can play 20 questions.

[ZomgBlue]

i am 25 i live with my parents i own my own car i pay my bills for what is under my name. i still tell her when im going out, i still call her when im out even when im babysitting. i still even get grounded. its not like i pay for the house so i am to respect her rules and when i don't she makes sure i learn the hard way to do that. even though i own my car and if she were to drive it i could report it stolen. shes taken it away from me. know how much fun it is to ride your bike to your jobs and such?? its kinda like yeah im going green, as you pray the 7 year old thats going to ask every last question doesnt ask and you just snap at them to shut up. when she doesnt feel good she makes me go get the meds at the pharma at 10pm or later when this one pharmacist works so that i get made fun of. i have to do chores, bathe all 3 dogs, do their nails and squeez the anal glands on the deaf dog. for free! i used to charge up to 40 bucks for this stuff now i do it for free.

age doesnt mean anything to a mom all that matters is that her daughter is safe. you dont have to move out to get your way, you just have to show your mom you can be responsible when you are out. and you have to do it slowly also when you say you are almost 21, this shows that your mom is just going to worry more as well honestly every parent worries about their kid doing something stupid at age 21 drinking and driving. heck my issue is speeding so my mom made me get a radar dector and told me she wouldnt care if i drove to alaska as long as i had that thing. find out what your moms worries are, what would help her not worry, and what you can do to gain her confidence. also do not use loopholes to your advantage as that will just ruin your chances at gaining confidence, or greatly slow them down i should say.

example, my mom asked me when i was downtown if got any stamps. i said no of course not. knowing full well she was talking about tattoos and i did get one of those. 3 days later she went off on me calling me a liar because i did get one and i said no i got a tattoo you asked about stamps... knowing full well that was just asking for more trouble.

[kenkendazo]

ZomgBlue, on 21 July 2010 - 09:54 PM, said:

example, my mom asked me when i was downtown if got any stamps. i said no of course not. knowing full well she was talking about tattoos and i did get one of those. 3 days later she went off on me calling me a liar because i did get one and i said no i got a tattoo you asked about stamps... knowing full well that was just asking for more trouble.

See, this is just asking for trouble. You are right about building up reasons for them to trust you.
Parent's were kids once and know the loopholes.

This post has been edited by Suigetsu: 21 July 2010 - 10:09 PM

[Kii]

Quote

Honestly your parents are only in as much control of your life as you let them be.

Move out.
Or just don't listen and do things anyways.

Eventually they'll have to recognize your independence or kick you out.
Either way, problem solved, right?

There is going to come a time where you have the sudden realization that you're a grown-a** woman and that you can actually start being in control of your life.
<3

[firegirl26]

chamgirl89, on 21 July 2010 - 02:54 PM, said:

(if this is in the wrong section, feel free to move it)

Anyways, I'm not allowed to go to any other anime conventions. Even the ones close to me like Anime Milwaukee which is only an hour drive from where I live. Reason why: my mom won't let me . I'm 20 years old, going to be 21 in September and I'm still being treated like a kid. Sad, isn't it? And even if I could go to other cons I can't go by myself, like with ACen. Don't get me wrong, I love going with my friend but seriously if for some reason my friend can't go to ACen then I can't go to ACen. If any of you guys have advice on how my mom can let me go to other cons (especially without my friend), please tell me D: I want to experience other cons and meet new people and whatnot.

i'm 23,still lives with her parents and have to follow their rules

[Kaay-chan]

First of all, like others have been saying, talk to your mom. Remind her that, while yes, you still live in her house and obviously therefore have to abide by her rules, you're also an adult now. I imagine the rules you had to follow as a teenager were not the same rules you had to follow when you were, say, 8. By the same logic, the rules you should have to follow now should not be the the same ones you were following when you were a teenager. Becoming older means more liberty, as well as responsibilities, and she needs to accept that it's time to let go so you can experience both.

To be honest, though, you might also want to put your feelers out among your circle of friends, just to see who would want to go in a group. "Going with a friend" doesn't necessarily mean you have to cling to them for the whole 3-4 days; just get some friends together to share the hotel cost, if it's needed, and then you guys can go your own ways at the actual con. That's what my friends and I do for ACen. It's fun; we order pizza, compare plans with oneanother to see if anyone's interested in the same panel, meet up later, then go our own ways.

[chainedbyroses]

Kaay-chan, on 31 July 2010 - 01:33 AM, said:

First of all, like others have been saying, talk to your mom. Remind her that, while yes, you still live in her house and obviously therefore have to abide by her rules, you're also an adult now. I imagine the rules you had to follow as a teenager were not the same rules you had to follow when you were, say, 8. By the same logic, the rules you should have to follow now should not be the the same ones you were following when you were a teenager. Becoming older means more liberty, as well as responsibilities, and she needs to accept that it's time to let go so you can experience both.

To be honest, though, you might also want to put your feelers out among your circle of friends, just to see who would want to go in a group. "Going with a friend" doesn't necessarily mean you have to cling to them for the whole 3-4 days; just get some friends together to share the hotel cost, if it's needed, and then you guys can go your own ways at the actual con. That's what my friends and I do for ACen. It's fun; we order pizza, compare plans with oneanother to see if anyone's interested in the same panel, meet up later, then go our own ways.

^This. If it's roundabout these here parts, or Indy (depending where in) I'm game for exploring~

Also, if you're looking at hanging out in Chicagoland, gimme a holler. I may or may not be able to run around WI/North-of-Chicago (or the city, sometimes), but I'd find out and give it a shot (I'd drive mahself, but I technically can't by law, and thus rely on my dad.. or public, woo~ ^^;) If you're mom's concerned over "who these folks are -for all you know they could be axe-murderers!" (as they so often love to put it @.@) I'm cool with a/the Spanish Inquisition. ^^