[Kitsu-chan]

So, I finally got a decent story & some character ideas for a manga I want to work on. I was hoping to get some input on if anybody would be interested in the series & maybe to help patch some of my holes.

It's a Fantasy/Steampunk genre. I know it's rather cliche, but I'm using the standard, ancient evil is rising again for the villian. I also taking the standard D&D races & giving them a major overhaul where possible. I'll start with explaining the magic system since it's easier to explain.

MAGIC
Everybody has some potential for magic, but their level of power can vary. Most races can't use magic without a 'tool' to act as an amplifier & each race has an affinity towards certain types of magic. Most tools are also standard weapons for the race (dwrves use axes or hammers, elves use swords or bows, ect.) All 'tools' have some inherent magic so they can damage ancient creatures (really need to come up with a name for it). While most have their own tool, they can use tools from another race if needed, but they can't use any spells since their affinity doesn't sync. Basically a 'crap I need something to hurt this bastard' clause in case of emergency.

Like lots of other series, the story is set a few centuries after the Great War so there's plenty of Lost Arts.

TOOLS
In order to damage ancient creatures, all weapons were imbued with some magic & are usually made by local craftsman. Since most races have a natural affinity, their weapons are tuned to their types of magic. Basically a Elf could pick up a Dwarven hammer & beat something over the head with it, but he couldn't cast his spells using it.

RACES Gonna be more added later, this is just the basics

Dwarves - Most of us know these guys from Lord of the Ring. Short, hairy, hotheaded, Like alcohol, & most live underground. No major changes here & I'll probably bring in some of the various types (hill dwarves, Underdark dwarves). Dwarve affinites are Fire & Earth (Stone & Metal). One of the older natural races of the story.

Elves - Again most of know something about them, but I'm gonna use almost every sub-race of elf I can find. I'm mostly gonna focus on Forest & Moon elves (Drow/Dark Elves are gonna get their own category since they get a major overhaul). Elves are one of the only races that can use magic without tools & it's a very rare trait. Forest Elf affinties are Plant & Wind. Moon Elves are Healing & Wind. One of the older natural races.

Drow - These guys get a major overhaul as I mention. Normally their black skinned, white hair, live underground & most are evil... not for my story. Since they live underground they don't see much sun, they're really pale & white hair since their body doesn't have the normal pigments. When they do come to the surface, they wear thick clothes & cover any exposed skin with mud. On the good vs. evil scale, they're halfway between neutral & evil, but there are exceptions. Mostly they just prefer to be left alone & are a fairly self-sustained culture. Certain villages trade with the dwarves, while other villages may attack dwarves. Their affinites are Earth (like the dwarves) & Darkness.

Gnomes - short, usually cursing & build things. These guys are engineers & normally in their labs, I've only got one planned & he only makes maybe 2 appearances. Their affinity is Metal, but some would also say Sound due to the racket coming out of their workshops.

Humans - They are NOT a natural race. During the Great War there weren't enough dwarves & elves, so humans were created as living weapons & they were given freedom a couple hundred years after the war. Unlike any other race they aren't limited in their magic affinity, one might use fire & another uses water. Their weakness is that they can't use the 'tools' of any other race even if their affinities match. Good news is the human's tool is a gun, think Gene Starwind's caster gun from Outlaw Star. No human has ever been able to use magic without their tool.

Half-elves - The offspring of humans & elves. They inherent their parents affinites, but with a major weakness. When they're young they have a massive amount of power, but when the hit puberty their power starts to wane. In some extreme cases, the might lose their magic altogether & not be able to cast spells.

Halflings - They're gonna get a new name altogether cause I think D&D owns the rights to it, I'll have to check. The offspring of humans & dwarves, after a few centuries there's enough breeding stock for them to not be inbreeding. Most can use Silence & Invisiblity even without their tools. Haven't decided if they have a set affinity.


That's it for now, so please leave any opinions, ideas, & otherwise helpful comments. I'm gonna reserve the next post from more races & character ideas that I'll post later.

Edit: Looks like I can't reserve the next post. Guess I'll just edit this post later.

[mattheinsane]

This sounds really cool. I like the thought you've put into each race and their affinities. Your depiction of Drow reminds me of a certain race in the series of David Eddings books the Belgariad. I'd definitely read a series about that stuff. If you ever need some creative ideas just ask me sometime. For roleplaying settings I've developed a few abstract magic systems that I wouldn't mind sharing since they're doing no good just swimming around in my head.

[Kitsu-chan]

mattheinsane, on Apr 14 2010, 10:43 PM, said:

This sounds really cool. I like the thought you've put into each race and their affinities. Your depiction of Drow reminds me of a certain race in the series of David Eddings books the Belgariad. I'd definitely read a series about that stuff. If you ever need some creative ideas just ask me sometime. For roleplaying settings I've developed a few abstract magic systems that I wouldn't mind sharing since they're doing no good just swimming around in my head.

Thanks. I'll look into those books, they might make a decent reference. Also I wouldn't mind hearing about those magic systems. Basically what's posted & maybe 3 characters is all I really have so far.

I felt I needed to change the drow cause I really never understood why they had black skin when they never were in daylight... or atleast hadn't been in daylight for countless generations.

[mattheinsane]

I used my self-created magic systems on some old message boards back when I did board RPing. I think I remember the addresses of most of the sites I made the magic systems in so I can hopefully get what I wrote down when the system was freshest in my mind. If I can't find them I'll send you a message of what I can at least remember to this day.

[Kitsu-chan]

mattheinsane, on Apr 14 2010, 10:55 PM, said:

I used my self-created magic systems on some old message boards back when I did board RPing. I think I remember the addresses of most of the sites I made the magic systems in so I can hopefully get what I wrote down when the system was freshest in my mind. If I can't find them I'll send you a message of what I can at least remember to this day.

Thanks, I look forward to seeing what you've got. Since I've got Thursday off, I'll spend some time drawing & see I'm still any good. I haven't spent any time drawing in probably the last 5yrs >.<

[sentinel28a]

It sounds good to me, Kitsu.

I like the idea of the drow being light-skinned and light-sensitive. However, I wouldn't have them smear mud on themselves in daylight (since mud will dry and not provide much protection). Have them either come up with some sort of spell/ointment (SPF 5000!) or just cover up. You could even go one step further and put a vampire-like inability to go out in direct sunlight. (Not sparkle!) What might be interesting is to have the dwarves also be somewhat light-skinned (as they are also underground most of the time), and have them keep their beards trimmed short. Anyone who has ever worked with heavy equipment knows that a beard down to your knees not only gets in the way, it's a safety hazard.

I would make the tools/magical weapons more rare. If everyone has access to them, they're more mundane and less magical. I like the humans as being bioengineered weapons and their "tools" being guns, but perhaps give the humans the ability to make guns en masse, whereas magical weapons for other races are comparatively rare and difficult to manufacture. You could really set up an entirely different angle with that: elves and dwarves facing hordes of armed humans. If you're going for the "snooty elf" angle, the humans could say, "You may be essentially immortal and can throw around magic like no one's business, but I have a BOOMSTICK."

That's a few ideas I have. If we get some time at the con, you should sit down with Tim (the short, rather dwarvish guy you met last year--the one who looked like Patton with all his con badges). He loves the fantasy genre and, if you've got a few hours to hear him out, a lot of great ideas.

Ben Da Mad Irishman
"I'm okay as long as there's hawt elven chicks"

[Kitsu-chan]

sentinel28a, on Apr 15 2010, 02:34 PM, said:

It sounds good to me, Kitsu.

I like the idea of the drow being light-skinned and light-sensitive. However, I wouldn't have them smear mud on themselves in daylight (since mud will dry and not provide much protection). Have them either come up with some sort of spell/ointment (SPF 5000!) or just cover up. You could even go one step further and put a vampire-like inability to go out in direct sunlight. (Not sparkle!) What might be interesting is to have the dwarves also be somewhat light-skinned (as they are also underground most of the time), and have them keep their beards trimmed short. Anyone who has ever worked with heavy equipment knows that a beard down to your knees not only gets in the way, it's a safety hazard.

I would make the tools/magical weapons more rare. If everyone has access to them, they're more mundane and less magical. I like the humans as being bioengineered weapons and their "tools" being guns, but perhaps give the humans the ability to make guns en masse, whereas magical weapons for other races are comparatively rare and difficult to manufacture. You could really set up an entirely different angle with that: elves and dwarves facing hordes of armed humans. If you're going for the "snooty elf" angle, the humans could say, "You may be essentially immortal and can throw around magic like no one's business, but I have a BOOMSTICK."

That's a few ideas I have. If we get some time at the con, you should sit down with Tim (the short, rather dwarvish guy you met last year--the one who looked like Patton with all his con badges). He loves the fantasy genre and, if you've got a few hours to hear him out, a lot of great ideas.

Ben Da Mad Irishman
"I'm okay as long as there's hawt elven chicks"

Thanks for the input. I honestly forgot about the mud drying out & not offering protection. Plus the dwarves being light-skinned makes sense as well, I'll probably base the skin tones by their caste. A noble who hasn't seen much daylight would be pale & probably have a long beard, a blacksmith would have a shorter beard & probably have some color to him simply from his forge.

Making the weapons more rare also make more sense. The story is gonna be set a few centuries after the Great War, they probably didn't see a reason to stockpile massive amounts anymore. Afterall most things that die tend to stay dead.

Humans being able to make guns en masse does work as well cause they don't require as much enchanting.

I'll be sure to catch up with Tim at ACen. My only contact with Fantasy has been a few anime series, a handful of movies, & playing D&D on and off for a few years. I'd be greatful for his input.

[sentinel28a]

Kitsu-chan, on Apr 15 2010, 08:52 PM, said:

Thanks for the input. I honestly forgot about the mud drying out & not offering protection. Plus the dwarves being light-skinned makes sense as well, I'll probably base the skin tones by their caste. A noble who hasn't seen much daylight would be pale & probably have a long beard, a blacksmith would have a shorter beard & probably have some color to him simply from his forge.

Making the weapons more rare also make more sense. The story is gonna be set a few centuries after the Great War, they probably didn't see a reason to stockpile massive amounts anymore. Afterall most things that die tend to stay dead.

Humans being able to make guns en masse does work as well cause they don't require as much enchanting.

I'll be sure to catch up with Tim at ACen. My only contact with Fantasy has been a few anime series, a handful of movies, & playing D&D on and off for a few years. I'd be greatful for his input.

Well, find me and Tim will probably be close behind. Like I said, be sure you have some time on your hands, because when he gets cranked up, it's hard to shut him up. I usually let him ramble for ten minutes, and then say "Short version, Tim."

Ben Da Mad Irishman
"But he's a great guy"

[this_chick25]

I like how this is developing.

[Dark Spellmaster]

Sounds good, suggestions from one writer to another, pick up a few books on writing fantasy see if you can weave in some mythology. Ah, I know that Crispin Freeman has mentioned some books on his youtube account when answering questions. Barns and Noble or Borders and the library should be your first stop for the books.

Other then that I have a question, you mention that it's a mix of steampunk, how does that come intoplay in the story?

I like the races, the Drow seem more then likely to become a favorite of mine.

[this_chick25]

Kitsu-chan, on Apr 14 2010, 10:49 PM, said:

I felt I needed to change the drow cause I really never understood why they had black skin when they never were in daylight... or atleast hadn't been in daylight for countless generations.

I think it was their tendency towards Evil that made their skin black. Kind of like (iirc) the orcs being corrupted elves in Lord of the Rings made them hideous (although I could be mixing that with another series I read--it's been a great while since I've picked up a fantasy series).

I'd like to read this (if you don't mind) when you get a good way into having the story laid out.

[Kitsu-chan]

Dark Spellmaster, on Apr 15 2010, 08:11 PM, said:

Sounds good, suggestions from one writer to another, pick up a few books on writing fantasy see if you can weave in some mythology. Ah, I know that Crispin Freeman has mentioned some books on his youtube account when answering questions. Barns and Noble or Borders and the library should be your first stop for the books.

Other then that I have a question, you mention that it's a mix of steampunk, how does that come intoplay in the story?

I like the races, the Drow seem more then likely to become a favorite of mine.

Actually I just returned from Barnes & Noble, I was doing just that I'm also looking into taking a comparative religion class. I figure it could help me in creating the religions of my world.

As for the steampunk, it's mostly gonna be the transportation & some of the weapons... plus something I have planned much later in the series >:3

this_chick25, on Apr 15 2010, 08:39 PM, said:

I think it was their tendency towards Evil that made their skin black. Kind of like (iirc) the orcs being corrupted elves in Lord of the Rings made them hideous (although I could be mixing that with another series I read--it's been a great while since I've picked up a fantasy series).

I'd like to read this (if you don't mind) when you get a good way into having the story laid out.

I think the reason for the black skin varies depending what story you read. Some say it's the tendency towards evil, some say it's the pact they made with Lilth. I'd be happy to let you read it once I get it laid out.

[mattheinsane]

I think their black skin would make the most sense with their worship of the Spider Queen Lloth. I've always been a fan of the corrupted Drows when they become he half drow half spider creatures.

[Dark Spellmaster]

@Kitsu-chan: I remember hearing about a lecture course they had on tape on fantasy , though it might be out of print now. Apparnetly very good for like magic and myths and such. Oh, awesome idea. Friend of mine is doing a religious type of novel and that really helped her develop the centeral relgion in the world. Hope you enjoy the class too, we had an awesome teacher teaching at my college, he even dresses up as Kenshin and goes to Acen when he can.

OH mysterious, always good. Steam trains would be very cool if you could work that in.

@That Chick: How did the elves in LOTR get turned to Orcs, i don't recall that happening, though I did skip over parts of the story to catch up to where a friend was in the books to talk to her about them.

@Mattheinsane: Where does it say that Drows become half spider? I'm just curious becuase this is the first time I've heard of that.

[Kitsu-chan]

Dark Spellmaster, on Apr 16 2010, 01:45 AM, said:

@Kitsu-chan: I remember hearing about a lecture course they had on tape on fantasy , though it might be out of print now. Apparnetly very good for like magic and myths and such. Oh, awesome idea. Friend of mine is doing a religious type of novel and that really helped her develop the centeral relgion in the world. Hope you enjoy the class too, we had an awesome teacher teaching at my college, he even dresses up as Kenshin and goes to Acen when he can.

OH mysterious, always good. Steam trains would be very cool if you could work that in.

@That Chick: How did the elves in LOTR get turned to Orcs, i don't recall that happening, though I did skip over parts of the story to catch up to where a friend was in the books to talk to her about them.

@Mattheinsane: Where does it say that Drows become half spider? I'm just curious becuase this is the first time I've heard of that.

I've got Steam trains & a few other things planned. After all, the gnomes need something to build Also I just looked online & there's a comparative Religion class at the local Jr. College, it's in the evening & starts the Tuesday after ACen

Orcs being corrupted Elves appears in The Silmarillion check a few paragraphs down

Drow can become half-spiders called Drider in D&D check here Sadly there's not too much info on it.

[this_chick25]

[quote name='Dark Spellmaster' post='889210' date='Apr 16 2010, 01:45 AM']@That Chick: How did the elves in LOTR get turned to Orcs, i don't recall that happening, though I did skip over parts of the story to catch up to where a friend was in the books to talk to her about them.[/quote]

It's "this_chick" (or t_c, tc, or TC). Normally I don't care, but as there is a "ThatOneChick" also on the forums, I'm kind of picky about it here.

...but I digress.

I still have yet to dig out my books to do the solid research, but in the LOTR wiki under the "Orc" entry, it reads as such:

[quote name='http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/Orc']Origins

Orc were once elves. Morgoth(Melkor) captured a host of elves and took them to his fortresses. After years exposed to torture (along with corruption) and Black magic, they became the filthy orcs that they are now.

Corrupted Elves

But, Tolkien later changed the legendarium so that Morgoth could no longer produce life on his own, and amended the origins to the "theory" that would eventually be published in The Silmarillion: that the Orcs of Angband were transformed from elves — the purest form of life on Arda (the Earth) — by means of torture and mutilation; and this "theory" would then become the most popular. This theory is also stated in the live action film version of the Fellowship of the Ring.[/quote]

Now that I have it narrowed down to which book (at least by mention of the corresponding movie), it should be somewhat easier to find.

[Kitsu-chan]

@ T_C - Thanks for mentioning the LOTR orcs. The corrupted elves led to an idea that helped round out my villian & bring the entire series together rather nicely. I should have a rough draft of the plot soon... by ACen at latest & I'll let you see it.

Also let Knives he played an important role as well. When I was trying to decide details about the gnomes (what their labs look like, what they wear, ect), my first thought was 'What Would Knives Do'

Now I'm off to contact a friend & see if I can use something he created in my series. You guys will love it if he lets me use it.

EDIT

Also after pulling out a few Fantasy series I own, I decide to go for a golden age Berserk feel for my series. Slayers is just too comedy & watching Record of Lodoss War again has reignited my hatred of Parn.

[mattheinsane]

If you want to see a really awesome fantasy anime series, watch Claymore.

[Kitsu-chan]

mattheinsane, on Apr 16 2010, 10:21 PM, said:

If you want to see a really awesome fantasy anime series, watch Claymore.

I own it, but for some reason forgot about it >.< I like the later part of the series. I'll go rewatch a few eps in a little bit.

Edit

I got permission for what I wanted to use Course I'm gonna keep it a secret for now

[Dark Spellmaster]

this_chick25, on Apr 16 2010, 04:48 PM, said:

It's "this_chick" (or t_c, tc, or TC). Normally I don't care, but as there is a "ThatOneChick" also on the forums, I'm kind of picky about it here.

...but I digress.

I still have yet to dig out my books to do the solid research, but in the LOTR wiki under the "Orc" entry, it reads as such:



Now that I have it narrowed down to which book (at least by mention of the corresponding movie), it should be somewhat easier to find.

Ah sorry about that TC, I will remember that, humblest of applogies. Huh, I faintly remember a line about that, very faintly, but good luck finding it. Tolkin is always interesting.

[GiveUpTheGhost]

MAGIC
Everybody has some potential for magic, but their level of power can vary. Most races can't use magic without a 'tool' to act as an amplifier & each race has an affinity towards certain types of magic. Most tools are also standard weapons for the race (dwrves use axes or hammers, elves use swords or bows, ect.) All 'tools' have some inherent magic so they can damage ancient creatures (really need to come up with a name for it). While most have their own tool, they can use tools from another race if needed, but they can't use any spells since their affinity doesn't sync. Basically a 'crap I need something to hurt this bastard' clause in case of emergency.

Like lots of other series, the story is set a few centuries after the Great War so there's plenty of Lost Arts.

I like where this is going, though like Sent said. The weapons need to be more rare. Also few people emphasize any negative connotation to using magic or spells. Usually all the caster get's is tired and needs a little rest. Such a poor trade off for immense power. Make using magic have a cost such as aging faster, losing your soul, a decrease in sanity. So when folks use spells it means something. Just a suggestion.

I have a magic system in my head that I have always wanted to flesh out and never could. It would be a strange Voodoo/magic system based on food or what you eat. Such eating a pepper would make you breath fire, a specific leaf would make you lighter. Maybe eating a coconut would enable you to walk on water. It is a magic system you can flesh out any way you wish, with endless possibilties. It also has a finite resource (I.E food which is not easy to travel with a lot of by yourself) so it would not be broken. Also you could provide quite a bit of comic relief with this style of magic.

Drow - These guys get a major overhaul as I mention. Normally their black skinned, white hair, live underground & most are evil... not for my story. Since they live underground they don't see much sun, they're really pale & white hair since their body doesn't have the normal pigments. When they do come to the surface, they wear thick clothes & cover any exposed skin with mud. On the good vs. evil scale, they're halfway between neutral & evil, but there are exceptions. Mostly they just prefer to be left alone & are a fairly self-sustained culture. Certain villages trade with the dwarves, while other villages may attack dwarves. Their affinites are Earth (like the dwarves) & Darkness.

Maybe the clothing style of the drow should be very similar to Desert nomads who keep almost completely covered. Being in dark caves I think would also give the drow a resistance to the cold.

As for races

Try for a sentinent ape race. Planet of the apes rocked, but you never really see them in fantasy stories to often.

A troll race- 8 to 10 feet tall and sentinent. they do not have to be scholars but they do not have to be savages also. They could be the main source of any invading armies mercenary forces.

[SpoonRoll]

Wait....... are we allowed to do this?! Post ideas and stuff?

[Kitsu-chan]

GiveUpTheGhost, on Apr 19 2010, 01:55 AM, said:

I like where this is going, though like Sent said. The weapons need to be more rare. Also few people emphasize any negative connotation to using magic or spells. Usually all the caster get's is tired and needs a little rest. Such a poor trade off for immense power. Make using magic have a cost such as aging faster, losing your soul, a decrease in sanity. So when folks use spells it means something. Just a suggestion.

Yeah, I do plan to make weapons more rare than my original idea. Also great point about magic having a negative connotation. I had planned for BIG spells to be something like that. One of the main charcters has a spell that drains her life when she uses it. I've got a villian who went insane from using his spells in the past. Also it does make me stop to think about what to do for smaller spells. If they didn't have a 'cost' people would be tossing them about more often. Giving them a reason to not be tossing spells about would be a good idea... plus I wouldn't need to name as many spells

Quote

I have a magic system in my head that I have always wanted to flesh out and never could. It would be a strange Voodoo/magic system based on food or what you eat. Such eating a pepper would make you breath fire, a specific leaf would make you lighter. Maybe eating a coconut would enable you to walk on water. It is a magic system you can flesh out any way you wish, with endless possibilties. It also has a finite resource (I.E food which is not easy to travel with a lot of by yourself) so it would not be broken. Also you could provide quite a bit of comic relief with this style of magic.

I'll admit at first, I laughed at the idea. Then it did make some sense. It has plenty of possibilities, it's not a broken system, & it can be used for comic relief. I'll sit & see what I can come up with & I'm already liking it.

Quote

Maybe the clothing style of the drow should be very similar to Desert nomads who keep almost completely covered. Being in dark caves I think would also give the drow a resistance to the cold.

As for races

Try for a sentinent ape race. Planet of the apes rocked, but you never really see them in fantasy stories to often.

A troll race- 8 to 10 feet tall and sentinent. they do not have to be scholars but they do not have to be savages also. They could be the main source of any invading armies mercenary forces.

Thanks for the clothing idea. I was having some trouble there. A sentinent ape race would be a nice change of pace. Trolls not being savages would also be a good change from most Fantasy series.

Thanks for all the great ideas.

SpoonRoll, on Apr 19 2010, 08:53 AM, said:

Wait....... are we allowed to do this?! Post ideas and stuff?

Yeah, I'm open to ideas. The series is mostly still in planning, I do have a few important scenes written already. I feel it's easier to get loads of input & ideas now, then to get great ideas halfway into the series & not have anyway to write them in.

[GiveUpTheGhost]

Kitsu-chan, on Apr 19 2010, 11:44 PM, said:

Yeah, I do plan to make weapons more rare than my original idea. Also great point about magic having a negative connotation. I had planned for BIG spells to be something like that. One of the main charcters has a spell that drains her life when she uses it. I've got a villian who went insane from using his spells in the past. Also it does make me stop to think about what to do for smaller spells. If they didn't have a 'cost' people would be tossing them about more often. Giving them a reason to not be tossing spells about would be a good idea... plus I wouldn't need to name as many spells

An actual cost to spells makes the magic system have weight in my eyes. Otherwise you have a Gandalf or a Zedd (wizards first rule) type spell caster where all they get is a little tired. That always felt broken to me. Plus with rarer "tools" and costly spells. It also means normal people can fight and be powerful also. Not just spell casters.

Kitsu-chan, on Apr 19 2010, 11:44 PM, said:

I'll admit at first, I laughed at the idea. Then it did make some sense. It has plenty of possibilities, it's not a broken system, & it can be used for comic relief. I'll sit & see what I can come up with & I'm already liking it.

I was thinking about like a rogue human who is from the swamps or some desolate area. An ally for your protagonist. Make em strange since it is such an uncommon ability.

Keep me updated on this. I am liking where it is going.

[mattheinsane]

How's your progress on this so far?

[Kitsu-chan]

mattheinsane, on May 24 2010, 10:19 AM, said:

How's your progress on this so far?

Not much done. I've been packing & cleaning around the house, mostly getting ready to move. I should close on my new house in the next 2 weeks & need another week to clean & move in. Then I'll actually have my own work area & start rolling... unless I get busy working on cosplays >.<